Striving to bring honor and glory to God in all we do!

Marriage.

2012-02-06T21:12:00.000-05:00

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord does NOT ever give us more then we can handle. I believe it. I rest in it. I find peace and comfort in it. So, I am pretty confident that what Trey and I walked through the last 3 years of our lives didn't catch God by surprise.

At the end of last year we were both at our breaking points. I had 2 nights away with friends that did my heart good. One friend introduced me to 'The Love Dare' and the other said this, "Are you willing to fight for it?"

All I can say is watching 'Fireproof' and doing "the Love Dare" are two TOTALLY different things. I did it. I completed it and I am thankful for the journey I was able to walk through. Thankful for my girlfriend who held me accountable and would check on me through out the dare. There were times when I told her it's going great and then there were times when I wanted to scream.
You know because us women are emotional beings! :)

Early on in the dare I learned that so often God reaches out to us, embraces us, welcomes us into his arms and we push him aside, put him on the back burner and attend to him when we need something. I thought about how he loves us despite our faults...yet he still expects us to change...but in the process his love never fades...it never gives up on me (us).

As I set out on the journey, I knew going in that it had nothing to do with Trey...it wasn't about whether he responded kindly or not to certain gestures that were done...it was more about what I was asking God to do in me and through me in our marriage. I certainly was not and am not the perfect wife. However, I am on a journey called marriage and as many of you know it is not an easy one. We have been through hell and back and I truly believe God is smiling down on the both of us right now as we have chosen to keep our covenant before Him and each other.
I believe with all my heart that we will one day stand before other married couples who may be going through trials in their marriage and their only source of hope is to hear our story. A story of two very flawed people who were willing to die to themselves in order to see God's hand of grace and mercy at work in their lives--in their marriage.

Thank you to those who supported us through. Thank you for not pointing fingers or pointing blame. Thank you for being more concerned about the solution then anything else. Thank you for praying me and Trey through it. We are a better couple today because of it...not perfect but better.

Here's to the past 3years babe....and the next 60 we have ahead of us!

S-L-E-E-P!

2012-02-05T14:16:00.000-05:00

It's one of the things that I need to stay sane and happy. I.mean.it. How Trey and I got through Bear's "insomnia" stage from 6-12months of age I have no idea. It was down right hellacious. I can honestly say if it hadn't been for friends who were with us the night we started letting Bear cry it out we would still be sleep deprived and irritable. Bear would still be waking up 2-3 hrs. during the night and our lives would be miserable.

I'm very thankful for those friends and for the strength that God gave us to resist going into our crying, no wait--screaming child. Oh it was SO painful. Seriously.it.was. However, at the end of the day we were doing more harm then good for Bear. We realize that now. Selfishly we would get him because it was easier then hearing him cry. I'm just being honest...BUT, thankfully, we stuck to our New Year's Plan and as a result we have a baby who sleeps uninterrupted for 12hrs through the night. PRAISE JESUS!

As painful as it was, for all of us, it was well worth it. Bear is getting plenty of rest and so are we! It's BLISS. He is a happier baby and our home is better because of sleep...as crazy as that sounds.
Sleep is a vital part of our lives and our bodies require it. I read about the benefits of people getting at least 8 hrs. of sleep a night. Y'all sleep affects our health in so many ways. Research it. You will be amazed at what you read.

There you have it...my short story on sleep and how it changed our lives! Who would have thought! :)

Happy Super Bowl Sunday...and to the calories I'm NOT counting today! ;)

~Jenni~

I'm SOOOO Excited!!!

2012-02-03T13:30:00.000-05:00

Many of you will ask "WHY?" BUT after I tell you the MAJOR perk you will see why...

DRUM ROLL...PLEASE

I will be going back to WORK...not teaching but at a place where I know I am going to love. The women are super sweet and are so excited for me to join them. The biggest blessing in all of this is that I get to take Bear to work with me!!! Umm...don't be jealous! ;) Sounds like the best job on Earth to me. I won't be making 6 figures but the fact that I get to take my son to work with me is priceless. I'm just thankful that the Lord answered my prayer and opened up a door for my family; that's a blessing if I do say so myself!

I actually will be working in the kids room at the gym that Trey and I workout at. Totally thrilled about it because it's a great environment, fun kids, and I get to wear workout clothes (if I want) and tennis shoes. It doesn't get much better then that people...and did I mention that I get to bring my son with me?!?!? :)

Sounds like a great start to my weekend! To top it off, Trey and I are celebrating our 3rd Wedding Anniversary a little early! Bear will be staying the night with Gigi & Poppa and mama & daddy will get to have a FUN night out together...a little dinner, a movie and some yogurt!

Happy Friday Y'all! Enjoy the weekend with the ones you love most.

~Jenni~

"IN IT...TO WIN IT!"

2012-01-31T14:54:00.000-05:00

My last post was about the 12 week challenge Trey and I are doing at Gold's. Once again, so proud of his dedication and early am workouts he is putting in!

When Trey signed up to do it I had no desire...just being honest. It wasn't that I had no desire to get healthy I just wanted the competition to be all about him and supporting him along the way...until he looked at me and said, "have you seen the girl that won last year? She is bigger then you are currently, and I really think you could win it." Me: "Really? Nah." Well, I guess my husband believed enough in me that I said ok.

I brought out a few bikini's and decided on the one was I was going to "model." And I say "model" very humbly because boy was it a sight to behold. The REAL humbling part came when I got an email with all my measurements and then there was me in my little teal bikini--front side and back side...I think I screamed in horror!
Mind you, the last time I wore a bikini was pre-Bear and pre-Trey, so like 4 years ago....and I really don't care anything about wearing a bikini now...BUT, if after this 12 week challenge I look like a new woman physically you betcha I will be proudly wearing my little teal bikini! I even say that modestly because I certainly will not be wearing it for the wrong intentions or so that I can plaster pics all over the place but more about the accomplishment. I CAN DO IT! Sometimes you just need to give yourself a pep talk. For real.
Well, actually, my pics may be plastered all over Gold's gym when I win this thing! ;)

At the end, of these remaining 11weeks, my goal is to have shed 20lbs.--that doesn't include inches lost and muscle gained. I have already lost 45lbs. and 20 of that came off pretty quickly after having Bear--I call that 'The Bear Weight..and then some' & then there's 'The Trey Weight.' LOL
So, you do the math... a total of 65lbs gained over the last few years. YIKES.
I'll never forget when a member of Trey's family noticed with in months of me living here that I had already gained weight. I laugh now because I was like maybe 5-10lbs. heavier...and then it started adding up. What can I say love and the south did something to me! :)

On a serious note, I really hated that I gained some serious weight only because I knew it was a struggle for Trey. I didn't help in the least bit like I said I would and for that I have carried around some guilt. However, I am thankful that times have changed and that's not the case anymore. Our lives have changed for the better and we are taking back our health & our bodies!

Here's to another New Year's Resolution and the 12 week challenge....

~Jenni~

P.S. I have been blessed with a coach at Gold's who is also a trainer and teaches the Turbo class I take along with the ab class and a few others. She technically wasn't assigned to me but the other lady is pregnant and, well, not sure how much of a help she's going to be, ya know? I'm "IN IT...TO WIN IT," and need a hardcore coach. Extremely thankful that Natasha has taken me under her wing! She actually did my weigh in on Monday and before I got on the scale I asked her how much she thought I weighed. She preceded to grab my arms/shoulders and my legs and said her guess. I chuckled but thought I sure hide my "junk" well. She was off by 10lbs. That's totally ok because those 10lbs will be off before I know it.

By the way, I totally realize that I am super transparent and I don't hide that. I have nothing to hide and believe that someone will read this blog and need the encouragement to know that they can "lose it" too. If that's you...YOU CAN DO IT!

The MOLARS.

2012-01-30T13:12:00.000-05:00

Well, Bear's 1st set of molars have cut through up top; poor guy. That explains the fever Saturday evening and the fussy boy we've had on our hands for the last few days. As much as I hate him being in pain Hurricaine gel & some extra cuddles for me make for one happy momma and hopefully, a some what relieved Bear.
However, I totally hate it for him, but it's one of those things that has to happen. You know, because walking around toothless would be pretty odd and would REALLY gross me out. Sorry, I have a thing about teeth.

So, here's to 10 teeth for my, going on, 14 month old. He may be pushing 12 real soon as his bottom gums have been hard for a while now, and I am beginning to feel those little suckers start to make their appearance as they begin to penetrate his tender gums. Bless him. I say, "HURRY UP."

Happy Monday!

~Jenni~

P.S. My poor husband is serving at jury duty today. I'm praying that he doesn't get picked like a friend of ours was. He is in superior court which is where all the murderers, rapists and crazy people go. Needless to say, I'm saying a few extra prayers for him today.

Proud Wife!

2012-01-29T09:02:00.000-05:00

Trey and I have been working out A LOT. Honestly, if I had worked out this hard 10 years ago I probably would have weighed 115lbs. and been RIPPED; however, I wasn't then and I'm certainly not anywhere near that right now. Plus, 10 years later came marriage and a baby...and, well, we all know, ladies, what that can do to your body! Unless, of course, you are naturally skinny and/or have the financial freedom to go get everything nipped and tucked! Neither of those apply to me...but that's OK. I'm enjoying reaping the benefits of getting healthy on my own and seeing my body change gradually...

Moving on, this blog is not about me but my husband. Up until recently he had been on a "diet" that was not really focused on how much food you were putting into your body but about what you weren't allowed to eat.
I don't know about you but if I am told I can't eat this or that it is the first thing I crave on day 1. Know what I mean?
Anyways, he had done that "diet" religiously and I was proud of him for sticking with it...however, I was concerned that he wasn't losing because of the amount of food he was consuming. I asked him if he would consider counting calories with me and to be mindful of what sort of foods he was taking in. He said, "ok!"

After a week of being on the new plan, he weighed in this morning and lost 7LBS. WooHoo! He has been working incredibly hard at the gym and I couldn't be more proud of him!
So, thankful that my husband desires more out of his health.

Bear and I decided that we would encourage Trey just a bit, so we got busy using Post-its. We wanted Trey to know that we were cheering him on every step of the way so we posted some inspirational stuff on his bathroom mirror. That way every morning when he looks in the mirror he sees himself as a conqueror...who is able...because he was made for victory!

**That's me on the left and Trey on the right! ;)

We do believe in you and we love you more then words can say. We are cheering you on every step of the way and can't wait for you to reap the benefits of your hard work!

Here's to 12 weeks and the rest of our lives! Go get em' babe!

"My Soul Sings...

2012-01-27T11:56:00.000-05:00

My soul sings...how I love you!"

I tweeted these song lyrics a few days ago and last night my soul was truly singing; in fact, it was worshiping a God who I know loves and cares for me and my family more then I will ever physically, emotionally and spiritually be able to ever comprehend.
God is good!

As the night was coming to an end for American Idol there was one last contestant who needed to be heard. The glimpse of the young man, with curly dark hair, covering his ears had a powerful story that he was about to share. The moment Ramiro said, "“I wasn't born normal. I came out a bit different." I looked over at Trey and said, "he was born with the same thing Bear has." The commercials aired and then he was back to disclose his full story, excuse me, his testimony. As we listened Trey kept saying, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." Tears grew bigger and bigger in my eyes and then he sang Amazing Grace. WOW. The tears were rolling down my face by the time he was done.
God is good!

Trey and I on so many levels can relate to this young man's parents. The unknown's of what Bear was up against when he was born left us speechless and heartbroken BUT God is good. I can still hear the words spoken to me by a good friend-Lauren- the Sunday before Bear was born. She looked at me and said, "The Lord wants me to tell you that Bear is going to be quick to hear slow to speak....BUT when he speaks he will speak with wisdom beyond his years." Mind you we had NO IDEA what we were about to face when Bear was born that Thursday morning--no idea. So, that was my hope in what seemed like a hopeless situation. God is good!

This morning at the gym I got to share of God's goodness to some other mom's about Ramiro and Bear. Might I just add that Bear is a BIG SHOT in the nursery at Gold's. The mamma's and girls that work there have nothing but sweet things to say about my boy. So glad to know that he is loved on while I'm being worked to death in Turbo. :)
God is good!

This has been my biggest prayer for my family that despite what life throws us, which it has handed us some pretty heavy blows-that blog will come later, that God would be glorified in our midst and that people would see his faithfulness and goodness despite the trials.
God is good!

Remember that the next time you are faced with a situation that has left you feeling depleted...cling to the only source of HOPE who IS ABLE to extend his love and grace, who IS ABLE to speak words that won't ever come out wrong but will be uplifting and encouraging!

Here's Ramiro if you weren't able to watch American Idol last night!

God is good!

In just a few short years (I say "short" because I know they will FLY by), my boy will be old enough to have a CT scan of his ears. From there will be the determining factor to see if he is a candidate for canal plasty (where they go in and create an ear canal in each ear); however, I am clinging to hope that my son has ear canals and that the canal plasty surgery won't be necessary. Until I'm told otherwise I choose to believe and walk in faith.

1 Corinthians 1:27
But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

Believe and walk by faith! We are commanded to do so.

Have a great weekend y'all!

~Jenni~

Carrots & a little "Peek-a-Boo!"

2012-01-26T10:09:00.000-05:00

A few post back I made mention that Bear LOVES carrots. The boy can throw some down.No.lie.
Here's a few pics to prove it.

Something must have been really funny here...

...And I can't forget about a little friendly game of "Peek-a-Boo!" The boy cracks me up and definitely has a personality on him...no doubt about that one. He knows what he wants...it'll just be nice when he actually can speak, with words, what he wants. This is Bear hiding his eyes/face from me.

"PEEK-A-BOO!"

"I'm not done yet, mom!" I tend to do what he "says" in cases such as this one... I just keep playing along with him until he is tired of hiding his face.

There are days, many of them, when I just look at Bear and see God's grace and favor. Last night as we sat around the dinner table, as a family, I looked at Trey and said, "Can you believe it? He is apart of us." He is our flesh and blood in his own person. It's moments like these that take me back to our first pregnancy. As sad as miscarriage is I still believe that God's grace and favor rest on those of us who have experienced that sort of loss. When you think about the complexity of creating a child it TRULY is by God's grace that we are even able to conceive. Know what I mean? So, when I look at this sweet face I am reminded that much more of God's grace and favor on our lives. If you are a woman who has a child or children, whether by conception or adoption, you are blessed and highly favored. Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3

Bear closes this blog out with saying, "PEEK-A-BOO!" I'm thinking this is a game that will never grow old to him. In fact, I picture him running around this house hiding from us & jumping out of a room to say, "PEEK-A-BOO!"

Happy Thursday!

Savannah, GA

2012-01-24T08:59:00.000-05:00

What a time we had in Savannah. It was our first mini vacation since Bear was born. It was good for me, good for Trey and GREAT for our marriage.

Seeing as though Trey does business with hotels he was able to get us a deal on a hotel that backed up to the river- The Grand Bohemian. It was absolutely beautiful--different, but beautiful!
We walked, saw a Christmas Musical, ate at Lady and Son's, ate some more, saw New Year's Eve and just really enjoyed the time we had with each other. No real worries....reality kind of left me for those 2 days and it was nice.

It was as if I was a teenager again and the only worry I had was putting gas in my car. I laugh at that thought. You know what I mean?

Here's some pics to highlight our trip!

That was our view from our room.

Me and Trey with Paula. Something is wrong with this picture..She and I look the same size and I'm pretty sure she is a tad bit bigger then me. Observation made solely on watching her "cook in the kitchen." :)

Man vs. food recently appeared at Sweet Potatoes. They are known for their banana pudding but their Peach BBQ sauce was so TASTY! It was a very light sauce and the peach added some sweetness to it. YUM!

Our last night in Savannah...we ate at Vic's on the River. By far the best food we ate on our trip. Great ambiance, prices were very reasonable and it was just the two of us. It was a great way to end our trip!

Looking forward to our next getaway!

A Little Hiatus...

2012-01-24T08:26:00.000-05:00

I made the decision when our church called for a 21 day fast that Facebook along with food would be part of my fast. However, I am keeping everyone abreast via pics of Bear, my weight loss & exercise regimen and my blog. I figure if I'm not able to know what's going on in y'alls lives via Facebook then I'll let you keep up with mine...if you want too, of course.

A week ago Sunday was the last time I was on FB... I even deleted the app on my phone as well. Some of y'all probably think I'm crazy because, whether you want to admit it or not, FB has sucked us in & for the majority of us it consumes/wastes our time.
I love looking at pictures of those who I don't see on a regular basis and friends who I haven't seen in forever. That's pretty much all I like to do on FB besides posting status updates. Trey would tell me I am a "picture stalker" and there is probably some truth to that...but I can't help it I LOVE looking at pictures! I take that back I can help it and I am doing it!
I guess I am the type of person when I commit to doing something then I do it and complete it; I have my strong will to thank for that!

Please don't feel as though I am ignoring you if you post something and I don't respond...for a while. Everything I post is through other means on my phone. Instagram gives me the option to post to fb & so does the myfitnesspal app.

With that being said, know that I miss all of you in FB world and I hope the New Year has been good to you thus far.

Here's to New Resolutions...

~Jenni~

P.S. May I just add that not having the FB app on my phone has done wonders to my battery life! ;)

Pediatrician Change

2012-01-21T10:21:00.000-05:00

I made a switch-a-roo regarding Bear's Pediatrician. There were some concerns that we had regarding Bear and I needed a Pediatrician who was on the same page as us when it came to the well-being of our son. I'm not saying in the least bit that the former pediatrician we had was bad, she was just more of the "wait and see" approach, and, well, that's not exactly how I "roll."

I was introduced to our current pediatrician by a lady who works with my mother-in-law. She told me Dr. Dickerson was phenomenal and was up-to-date & very knowledgeable about children with special needs.

So, I made an appointment with her as I felt it was necessary to interrogate her just a little bit. :) Oh.My.Word. I was overly impressed and the fact that she applauded me for being on top of things reassured me that much more that she was for the well being of my son too! Can I get an Amen?

She had a plan in place for Bear and it was one that we had already decided on for him...we just needed a doctor who believed what we believed and she did! It honestly was an answer to pray.

I didn't care that her office is in Newnan...as a mom I am willing to do whatever it takes, go wherever I need to go to have that peace of mind that my son is being seen by someone who cares about his health and well-being just as much as we do.

She was patient, took her time with us and even shed a few tears with me! Ummm...hello?

Needless to say, I was convinced she was God sent and we are thankful that Bear is under the right care for his needs moving forward.

HE DID IT!

2012-01-21T09:49:00.000-05:00

I obviously have a lot of catching up to do but as my boy continues to grow and various things transpire in the Sheneman household I will definitely have to squeeze those in. So......

Here's a squeeze in blog!

BEAR TOOK HIS FIRST FEW STEPS ON THURSDAY!!!

Trey was at work...and, well, I couldn't hide it from him and I knew he would see him anyways...so I called him! His response, "did you push him down?" Umm...NO! I certainly didn't want him to think that he shouldn't walk...instead I held out my arms and he came "running," a little wobbly but he did it nonetheless.

He showed off his skills to his daddy later that night at the gym. Trey watched as he, more confidently, came to me taking at least 5 steps that time. His posture was more controlled and he looked like a pro!
Quite honestly he should look like one...the boy is able to sprint with his walker. I laugh because he seems to be so dependent on that walker as an older person is to their's. Not worried though as I know that his walker will soon be a thing of the past as he runs around the house chasing me and Trey!

As I type, can you guess what Bear is doing?!??! You got it...pushing his walker around at lightning speed! He tires me just watching him. :)

Happy Saturday...enjoy your time with your loved ones!

~Jenni~

Playing Catch-up!

2012-01-19T12:12:00.000-05:00

So, my last post was about the highlights from the end of last year till now. My goal is to play catch-up and really detail those highlights with pictures and more than just a sentence description.

All about our "1" year old and his "1st" BIRTHDAY BASH...A Winter ONEderland...was his theme!

We were blessed to have some pretty awesome people in our lives who helped us make his day so special! The cake was made courtesy of Amanda Cabe & the wonderful photography was done by Courtney Wilkerson over at www.twinklingeyephotography.com

My hubby had a wonderful idea...he went and bought cupcakes to ornament Bear's cake table. I love that man & his creative ways.

You can't have a Winter ONEderland with out some make believe SNOW AKA Epsom salt. Courtesy of Pinterest.

Our Winter ONEderland banner that I made..l.because I refused to pay $25- or more from etsy. I just hated that you can't see it in the picture! My husband wrote the words out...and he did great!

Party favors for Bear's friends...Bear even personalized it, on the back of their stocking, by thanking them for coming to his party...which they can hang on their Christmas tree every year as a remembrance of Bear's 1st Birthday! :)

Courtney is great & so creative...have I mentioned that before?!?!?!

I wanted those who were in attendance to write something special to Bear that he will be able to open (hence the box wrapped in Winter Wonderland paper) on his 18th Birthday!

My beautiful family. Who I thank God for everyday.

This sweet face makes our lives so much richer!

Seriously. Is that not the cutest picture you ever did see?!?!? LOVE it.

For the adults & kiddos--cake pops! Something sweet for them to indulge their sweet tooth!

After just one taste he had officially become a lover of sweets...too bad for him he won't get anything like that until his 2nd birthday! Ha. Remember via my last post we are on a journey to eat healthier as a FAMILY.

We were so very thankful for all of those who came out to celebrate with us! Bear has some pretty wonderful & supportive people in his life and we couldn't ask for anything more!

Totally love this picture of these two! Shiloh is Courtney (our friend & family photgrapher) & Jeff's daughter. She was born just a few weeks after Bear was born. I sure hope that their friendship will be life long as well as all of Bear's other friends.

Son, here's to your 1st year of life. We celebrate you, your accomplishments (even at this age) & all that God has set before you in the years to come.

We are blessed to call you ours. We love you to infinity and beyond!

Momma & Daddy

The.New.Year.

2012-01-18T10:22:00.001-05:00

So, do I have lots to write about? Of course. However, blogging is the last thing I ever think about doing, so kudos to those of you who make it a priority in your life.

A lot has transpired now that we are in the year 2012 and the last time I blogged was in 2011, November to be precise...22nd I believe. Maybe? I dunno. It's.been.that.long.

Some Highlights:

-Bear turned 1 back in December 2011
-Changed Pediatricians
-Trey took me to Savannah for a few days (without Bear) towards the latter part of December--it was awesome...BUT I definitely missed Bear...we both did.
-Celebrate Christmas Eve at home..Gigi & Poppa were with us this time around.
-Rang in the New Year at home with friends!
-Started letting Bear cry it out (New Year's Eve).
-Bear has made remarkable improvements in so many areas. God is good!
-Bear loves him some carrots & apple sauce and he is growing fonder of table food
-I completed the Love Dare
-Reading a book titled "Made to Crave"-AWESOME...so far!
-Currently on a 21 day fast with my church
-Trey asked me to join the Gold's Gym Challenge with him, so I said sure!
-More aware of what Trey and I are eating. I can't say that sweets will no longer enter my mouth because I would be lying...however, they are much less.
-I'm refraining from Facebook and have for the last several days...and may be for awhile. So, if you need me email me, text or call! :)

I think that sums up what's been going on in my life. Eventful.I know.

Happy New Year to You and Your's!

~Jenni~

Teacher.

2011-11-22T21:21:00.000-05:00

I miss the classroom and kids but there's no greater joy I get then teaching my son.

I truly believe the 2 years that I taught were in preparation for teaching Bear. Other then having a love for teaching (why would you do it, right?), patience is a HUGE factor in teaching.
I taught kids who were incredibly smart to kids who struggled.daily. However, the rewarding part of being a teacher is seeing the "light bulb" go off & the huge smile on your students' faces when they realize that it finally "clicked" for them.

I feel the same way when it comes to Bear. When he gets it or does something that took him a little longer then others to do it's a HUGE deal for me & Trey. Just recently Bear clapped on command (I know it sounds like I am referring to a dog but you get what I am trying to say) & I kid you not I screamed, I cried and I jumped up and down. He sat in his high chair with this BIG smile on his face as if he knew--the "light bulb" went off for him!

I was so glad Trey was there to witness it as well. It was a big day for us Sheneman's. We are believing the Lord for daily breakthroughs when it comes to the "little-big" things regarding Bear.

He is faithful.He sees.He hears.He cares.He knows--my constant reminders.

Thank you Lord for Bear...and for these "little-big" breakthroughs!

Thankful for Gigi and Poppa!

2011-10-15T09:21:00.002-04:00

Why? For many many reasons.
Besides from the fact that they take care of Bear's every need Gigi is the person that Bear sees most other than us.
I really wish that Bear could see all of his grandparents and great grandparents as much as he sees her but unfortunately that is not the case. :(

Can I just say that the boy loves him some Gigi. When Gigi is around & you ask Bear, "where is Gigi?" he looks straight at her! Not to mention the GIGANTIC smiles that he gives to her pretty much every time their eyes meet.

Bear loves his Gigi and so do we! Can you see why we are so grateful for her?

We appreciate the monetary things that she & poppa do for Bear, but what matters most to us is all the time she spends loving on our boy. Love trumps any outfit & toy.

Although I know she has worried & probably has cried herself to sleep questioning God about all that we have been through, at the end of the day she looks at her grandson, as Jesus would, and sees "perfection."

And Poppa has been so steady with his reminders about what God has told him about Bear and how confident he is that Bear is just fine. We know they have prayed for him since conception & continue to pray for him daily... what more could a parent ask for?

For that we are extremely grateful and thankful for Gigi & Poppa and we know that Bear is too!

WE LOVE YOU GIGI AND POPPA!

Bear, Jenni & Trey

"If the mountain was smooth, we couldn't climb it...."

2011-10-11T21:16:00.000-04:00

I often wonder if that's what life is really about...climbing the mountain AKA going from glory to glory to glory. The process of sanctification is no easy one...as Christians we have to "put up our dukes daily" to prevent the enemy from invading our territory.

Now that I am a mama, I "see" the enemy that much more at work, trying to invade my camp so to speak. Well, I got news for him, I may shed a few tears, OK A LOT, but he must not know who he is coming up against.
I don't back down...well, I may grow weary every now and again, but quitting is not an option. I have a race to "run" and I will finish strong. Why? Because I have a husband and a son who need me.

For those of you who don't know, Bear was born with Bilateral Microtia Atresia (BMA), and with that comes some complications, his speech being the most affected. He may be slow to speak but I declare that when he does that wisdom and understanding would flow from his mouth. In Jesus name.

Over the last several months I have noticed some unusual behaviors that of course I googled and googled until I was pretty much sick to my stomach. I was a basket case for a few days but I regained my strength & sanity. The internet can be a great thing and a horrible thing all at the same time. However, I am glad I did it because I have an understanding now of what lies ahead for us as a family.
We took Bear to see a developmental pediatrician today and he was WONDERFUL! He even told us that the name 'Sheneman' was German and it meant 'beautiful person.' He obviously was referring to our son; little did he know he was prophetically speaking over him...
We know he is beautiful both inside and out. He also mentioned that when he looks at Bear he sees such determination. Amen. We receive it.

So, for the last few months I have been very open about what I think was going on with Bear...and I am pretty certain a few people thought I was a hypochondriac, over paranoid, not thinking clearly...you know- "CRAZY." Even my pediatrician with out saying it thought I was a little extreme in my thought process. However, if you are a parent, excuse me- a mama, then you know when something is going on with your child. It's instinctive. Ya know?
With that being said, Dr. Rubin "diagnosed" Bear with Pervasive Developmental Disorder-not otherwise specified. Bear shows characteristics of autism but not enough to label him autistic. Obviously, speech plays a huge role but that has to do with his hearing and the fact that he doesn't want to wear his hearing aid. :/

So, I ask that you would pray for my family daily as the road ahead will be long but promising. We believe that God has given Bear to us for so many reasons and we will do whatever it takes as his parents to see that he flourishes in every area of his life.
There will be lots of doctor visits involved as well as speech therapy and occupational therapy and at home visits from medical professionals, but all in all he is 10 months old and intervention is starting now! The brain, at this age, is so "moldable" that the things Bear does now can "easily" be fixed with help, so that's what we will do. It won't be easy and I'm sure there will be days that I will be exhausted but my help comes from the Lord and I will draw on his strength that much more.

Thankful that I don't have to do this alone and that I have a husband who is just as much involved as I am, family members who love Bear more then anything in this world and friends who are there to help.

I'm sure you all will want frequent updates as they come, so I will do my best to be more consistent. Not making any promises. Ok? Ok.

I will close with this verse:

Joshua 1:5-9
"5 No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. 6 Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.

7 “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Blessings to all of you,

Bear, Jenni & Trey

Back to the beginning of the book...

2011-09-14T10:32:00.000-04:00

You know, sometimes it's good just to go back to the beginning of the good ole' book. You know? The Bible. The Holy Bible. The Truth. That became flesh and walked among us. That book.

Just to be totally honest, and, well, to show you all that I am completely human; I have been literally going through some serious mental torment. For the record, I am not crazy or need to be committed to a mental institution. I'm talking about the attacks that the enemy throws our way to get us to lose focus of what God's word says about us and our family.
I have never really experienced it to this extreme, but now that I have a baby it's been more prevalent.
To be quite honest, I also believe I have experienced it for other reasons. Possibly to see what others go through and to remind them that God's word is enough to set us free. Jesus' death was enough to set us free.

Keep following.

The fact that Bear was born with Bilateral Mictroia Atresia and spent 8 days in the NICU was enough to send me over the edge. Not to mention the scares during our pregnancy and what we faced when he was born with a potential heart defect, down syndrome etc..
However, God's grace has sustained me.
Yet, the mental attacks still come. Completely my fault because I allow it. I entertain it, unintentionally, of course. Or not?

Still there?

During my devotions this morning, it lead me to Genesis 8. You are probably thinking, "really?" Yep. Really!
Just to briefly recap, in Genesis 7- The Great Flood occurred. God decided to basically start over with the human race because of all the wickedness that walked the Earth. However, Noah and his family were spared because of their righteous living.
Moving forward to Ch. 8- Noah's Deliverance. Not only did God save Noah and his family from dying during the flood but he delivered them. He saw them through.

Ummmm. Hello? Did you get that? It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Noah and his family were not EXEMPT from experiencing the flood, but they were protected by the mighty hand of God, were seen through it, they were delivered! That deserves a HALLELUJAH!

As a child of God, I will always be delivered. Does it mean I will be exempt from the attacks, the storms, the raging flood waves? No. Unfortunately not. Does it mean that life will be a bed of roses and easy? Nope.

The "famous" line in Ch 8.1- BUT GOD REMEMBERED NOAH...and he didn't just stop with Noah, "but every living thing, and all the animals that were with him in the ark."

I don't know about you, but that's so reassuring to my soul. He loves us. He desires to save us, restore us and see us free.

I hope this has encouraged you as much as it has me. God's word is our reassurance of his promises to us. We often forget because we neglect his word. Guilty. Be encouraged; God still loves us! However, true freedom comes when we are in His Word daily, confessing with our mouths his promises and then walking out his will for our lives.

Be Blessed!

~Jenni~

I.LOVE.YOU.

2011-08-19T22:31:00.000-04:00

It's a 3 word phrase that can pack a powerful punch. I say it to Bear at least 5-7 times a day...and Trey probably just as much.
I "love" the phrase and when I look at my 2 boys it takes on a whole new meaning. I love to love and be loved. Who doesn't? I believe it is the most natural feeling to have and desire. I mean when we look at the greatest example of love, why wouldn't you say it much less show it?

I believe that when you have the "Ultimate Lover" in your life then loving is like breathing...completely instinctive. It's apart of you. You.Do.It.To.Survive. Just like loving and being loved is something we all desire and want.

I often feel as though we get into a rut of life and fail to say it and show it. We just go about our daily routines and just assume that the other person knows that we love them regardless of whether we show it or speak it.
Love needs to be spoken and shown.

Love is a gift, and if you have received it, then speak it and show it. It's really that simple.

I LOVE YOU TREY & BEAR!

8months old....ALREADY?

2011-08-19T21:46:00.000-04:00

Yep. And I am not the least bit surprised! He is growing.like.a.weed.AND.I.LOVE.it! He is an AMAZING boy! I am blessed to call him mine. He is more than anything we could have asked or prayed for...that's for sure!

I have to admit I have done a HORRIBLE job at writing things down. I did good in the beginning but I have been a major slacker. I'd like to think that I will remember everything, but who am I fooling? My memory is still not the same pre-Bear.

So, at 8 months you are doing the following:
-Scooting backwards...but getting up to move forward & then realizing, "maybe not."
-Eat like a champ...well, baby food that is. Not interested in table food yet. If it is soft & mushy-sure. Other than that you're not having any part of it. You literally have gagged to the point that I thought you would vomit. You eat 4 times a day-fruits, veggies & formula.
-You have 2 bottom teeth.So.CUTE. :)
-You are still a pretty content baby. LOTS of SMILES!
-When we are playing and I leave the room for a minute...you cry. :( Separation anxiety? Maybe?
-Your torticollis has pretty much corrected itself. You have been going to see Dr. Magee-he's been helping you!

Waiting on:
-You to say "mama" & "dada." We know that you will have some sort of speech delay but we are fully confident that it will not be a set back!
-You to crawl.

You are mommy & daddy's GREATEST blessing and we look forward to seeing you grow into an amazing little boy!

6 months old!

2011-07-01T10:01:00.000-04:00

June 9th was a big day...half-way to a year. At this point, I am not surprised...everyone warned me that it would get here quickly, and I am pretty much ok with that.
I will say that I am not the momma who wishes he was itty-bitty (newborn) still. I have LOVED watching him grow up! The fact that he is beginning to take on a personality is priceless to me.

Trey and I look forward to the day when Bear can say, "I love you momma & daddy" & when he can use words to express and communicate his feelings. Am I rushing it? No. I just look forward to those days.

I will say this much, I have embraced and basked in every moment of his development...but this stage has been the most fun...SO FAR!!!

Doctor's Check-up:
Weight: 18.1 lbs. & in the 63%
Height" 27.5 in. & in the 83%
Head circumference: 18.5 & in the 99%...not surprised. Have you seen his daddy's head?!?!? :)

Things you can do:
1) You can sit up
2) You can roll from your tummy to back...and you just started going from your back to tummy (at random occasions).
3) You like to grab the spoon from me when I am feeding you.
4) You can hold your bottle; however, you'd much rather mommy & daddy do it! Little stinker.
5)You are "speaking" as you should for this stage of the game.

Still working on:
1) Getting your head/neck completely straight...you have what Ms. Kelly said a 10degree tilt to the left. We have finished PT but are now taking you to see Dr. Magee for some chiropractic work. Praying that this gets you completely straight!
2) Getting some teeth...and I don't see any arriving in the near future. I was almost a year when I first got teeth...for now I will continue soaking in that gummy grin!

Other than that you are growing like a weed and doing things in your own time...and that's ok.

You love Baby Eistein..well, only the 'World of Colors.' I got you two more but they speak in all different languages and, well, you don't like it. Simple as that. I can't blame you...learning one language is enough.

You are riding in your 'big boy' carseat. Bye bye to the infant carrier! You were way to heavy to tote around in that carseat.

You tried your kiddie pool out for the first time on June 8th. You kicked some but that was the extent of your fun. So, I am not really sure what you thought. Granted I didn't put much water in it....maybe that's why?

You sat in a high chair for the first time on June 24th. We were in Wilmington, NC and we went to dinner with your grandparents- Gary & Judy (momma's spiritual parents). They have done alot for us. They have supplied you with diapers, wipes, Butt paste (desitin), body wash, shampoo, lotions, formula, and cereal. All the practical things that we need for you...not to mention the loads of money it has saved us! We are extremely grateful for them.

Mae-Mae gave you some 'puffs-' apple flavored on June 26th. You didn't know what to think at first but you have grown fond of them. You are still getting the hang of picking them up and putting them in your mouth...you will get there. Oh and Mae-Mae is your daddy's aunt. So, your great aunt.

Naptime has become quite comical. It consists of you rolling over and in many cases we have come to check on you only to find a sleeping baby on his back with his blankie curled up in his face.

Well, I had to include the last little bit or else I probably would have forgot... :)

~Jenni~

Slacker...BIG TIME!

2011-07-01T09:04:00.000-04:00

So, it definitely has been a while since posting anything in this blog. Trey and I have gone back and forth about creating a new blog, with a new name. Excuses? Ummmm...I guess. :)

I have a lot to blog about and, well, I am breaking out in hives just thinking about it. Kidding. Or not.

From this post forward I will be dating back to Bear's 6 month check up...so stay tuned!

~Jenni~

Mother's Day

2011-05-07T22:03:00.000-04:00

Considering that 2 years ago I was going through a miscarriage this Mother's Day means a lot to me.
Although it is just a day and Bear doesn't understand what this day means, I do. The smile on his face when he looks at me and the way he moves his mouth as if he has A LOT to say, is priceless. He brings me so much joy! Words can not describe how full my heart is at this very moment. When I look at him I see something beautiful. I see God's hand at work. I see, "you are fearfully and wonderfully made!"

I love the yearning in my son's eyes that say, "I need you momma" and oh.my.goodness. does that make my heart skip a few beats. Just knowing that my son needs me makes me feel important. Some people need a 6 figure career, a nice car, nice clothes, nice home etc...all I need is the love and embrace of my son and husband. There's nothing in this world that could ever replace that need. No amount of money could ever buy that. Love is everything.

I could go on and on but this blog was not intended to be about me.
I am asking that as you celebrate being a momma would you please stop and think about those momma's who have lost a baby?
Specifically I am asking you to pray for a young couple who I attended church with in Miami.
Unfortunately, they lost their baby while she was 7 1/2 months pregnant. Their first baby. To make matters worse she had to go into labor and deliver that precious baby boy. My heart breaks. I have shed many a tears about that situation since I found out. I don't understand, but I am thankful that they cling to the feet of Jesus. Oh how his love sustains us!
,
While the day is real and every momma will be celebrated, will you please pray for this couple? From what I have seen they have been warriors but in the depths of their hearts they hurt. I can't imagine what tomorrow will bring for her but I do hope she feels my prayers along with all of yours.

Thank you and Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day- Mom, Michele & Deb!

Fasting to Be Seen Only by God!

2011-03-25T09:57:00.000-04:00

**Disclaimer** This blog is not meant to tear down, but to build up. So, have an open heart and open mind. Let this convict you (in a good way) to fast before the Lord about break through in your own household. Ladies and gentlemen, the world around us is dark and dim, we need every ounce of power we can muster. Enjoy!

Matthew 6:16-18

"Moreover, when you fast, do not be like the hypocrites, with a sad countenance. For they disfigure their faces that they may appear to men to be fasting. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you do not appear to men to be fasting, but to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly."

I was astonished when I once heard a pastor say, " I have never heard of "fasting" before! Ummmm....really? Did you just completely skip through the book of Daniel? Wait. What about Isaiah 58, Matthew 6, Matthew 9, Luke 18, Zechariah 7, 1 Corinthians 7 etc...Or what about the fact that Jesus fasted for 40 days?

I am a firm believer in fasting. Why shouldn't I be? The Bible discusses it in more than one book, so why should I feel exempt from doing it? After all, if we are to model Jesus Christ, who fasted for 40 days, then why isn't the church inclined to fast?
Well, I think I have a pretty good idea! Does it cost you anything to pray? To read your Bible? To attend church? You may be saying, "yea, my time." Well, if that's the case, you may need to examine your walk with the Lord...if it's such a burden then maybe you need to revisit what it means to have the joy of the Lord! Just sayin'
Fasting causes us to hunger.Physically. And, well, we don't like to hunger, esp. when there is a pantry full of delicious foods calling out our name! But, that's just it. Think about the "hunger" that Jesus felt when he withdrew himself from people and from food? Not to mention, the temptation and daily attack from the enemy. Yet his reward was great!

Do I think God will withhold things from us if we don't fast? No. I will say this much, I believe some break throughs will only come through fasting, prayer and worship! I just don't mean one over the other...I mean all three working together!

I have done it in my own life and I have seen God's hand of provision work in a mighty, mighty way! Granted I haven't been on one in like 3 years...but, I recently changed that. There were somethings going on with my son, and I was really believing for breakthrough for my husband and a job. We are blessed to have jobs and it allows me the opportunity to work from home! However, the gas is ever increasing and my husband spends A LOT of time on the road. Needless to say, a good chunk of our pay was going towards gas, car maintenance and him eating out...

So, at 2am a few weeks back, I finally said, "enough is enough!" I was over it! I was doing it. I was going to fast again. Only liquids.
Would you know that within those few days I started to see such a difference in my son? No lie! Some things only come out through prayer and fasting! AND, with in the next few days my husband got a call, from out of the blue, about interviewing for a job that he is completely under qualified for and never sought out.. Yep. That's right. He got it! Some things only come out through prayer and fasting! All within that time frame we found out that Bear's ear surgery will cost, give or take, $100,000 dollars. Yes. $100,000 dollars. Granted by the time he is old enough to have it, I'm sure it will cost way more...

With that being said, we are slowly shifting into our new season. THANK YOU, LORD!!! It has been the longest year and a half of our lives. All in all-- He is faithful-- just like He said He would be! And, as his children, we will be too!

Be Blessed!

~Jenni~

Momma thoughts...

2011-03-23T22:39:00.000-04:00

There is no greater joy than being a momma; however, why is it also the most scariest feeling in the world?
Ya know:
I'm now responsible for another completely dependant, human life...and guess what? No daily guide on how to raise a human being. Nice!

I want to take away the hurt and pain.
I really wish I could know what you are thinking.
Will you add something positive to our very corrupt society?
Will you shine the light of Jesus in all that you say and do?
Will you be a leader and not a follower?
Will you be full of poise and valor?
Will you be humble?

The list could go on....

But, I will close with this...what did I do to deserve such a miracle???

There are a million, trillion things that pass my mind everday. My prayer is that I will always be a momma who is: patient, loving, kind, and gentle but be firm, stern, and understanding when the time comes.

I am sure you momma's can relate. Right? You seasoned momma's could probably add to this list very easily. I probably could write a book with all of the random 'momma thoughts!'
Most importantly, I will always be a 'praying momma!'

It's a New Day!

2011-03-18T10:37:00.000-04:00

And what a glorious day it was!

I expected to see a whole new baby when you had the hearing aid put on...but, nope, you took it in stride...You looked around rapidly but no HUGE reaction...I expected tears, uncontrollable tears but then again you have always been able to hear...now you just hear CLEARLY!

It was St. Patrick's Day and your Memaw sent you a St.Patricks's Day outfit! All the ladies commented on how cute you were, all decked out in your Irish gear...Afterall, you are Irish!

We are going to get you a new band, the one you currently have doesn't fit too well on your head...So, I'm sure once we get you set up with a good band you will be good to go!
The doctor said it will take you a couple of months to be able to identify where the sound is coming from...it is as if you are a newborn baby all over again! Your ears are technically 2 days old today; that's pretty amazing.
Your daddy and I are so extremely grateful...God has been good to us! To think there are babies who are born with out any nerves at all, it's reassuring to me that you have all nerves intact and can hear at an amazing level.
You are a special little boy! Did you know that most patients who have either bilateral or unilateral microtia atresia can only hear at 40-50 decibals? You can hear at 20!!! Praise the Lord!

One day when you are able to have a CT scan, around 4 or 5, your daddy and I are beleiving that everything will be perfectly intact and all they will have to do is open up the skin leading into your ear canal. When that happens you will no longer need to wear a hearing aid!!! They will just reconstruct your ear to make it a "normal" size!

I certainly am not rushing those years because I have already been told, over and over again, that you will grow up way too fast! So, for now, we will enjoy your cute little band around your head and work around the whole hearing aid thing. No biggie.

By the way, you are a STUD! See?

3 months old!

2011-03-18T09:20:00.000-04:00

This is very cliche but where has the time gone?

You have already proven to be a fighter and have overcome so much. Your daddy and I are certain that there is an anointing on you that is unexplainable. It was prophesied over you when you were in my womb and it's evident considering all that you have gone through. We know that the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy but the ONE has come that you would have life and have it more abundantly.
So,we will uphold our duty as your parents to train you up in the way of the Lord.

Just some things that you are doing:
1) Smiling
2) Sitting up in your bumbo
3) Making noises
4) Plenty of funny facial expressions
5) Pulling on momma's hair. OUCH.
6) Grasping for things
7) Fist pumping! ;) Now we just have to teach you the fireworks move!
8) Putting your fingers in your mouth...not sure about the whole thumb just yet.
9) You can hold something but not for very long.
10)You like to put objects in your mouth if I put them to your face.
11)You can sleep at least 8 hrs. through the night.
12)You drink about 5oz. every 3.5-4 hrs.
13)You suck a paci for soothing...other than that you want no part of it.
14)There is a cry you make which reveals frustration but only proves determination.
15)You are drawn to the light. I think I will be buying you sunglasses soon!
16)You love to sleep with your arms and hands straight by your side, tucked under the covers!
17) You are cutting 2 teeth...they look like your side incisors! Most babies cut there two front teeth (top or bottom). You are doing it your own way! ;)
18) You are focusing a whole lot better!

I think I got it all...

Some things you are having to overcome:
1) Getting your head into a straightened position...you favor your left side!
2) Getting your head nice and round...it's going to take some time...
3) Getting fitted for your hearing aid next week. I'm sure you will do great!

We love you lil' champ and look forward to seeing God's MIGHTY, HEALING HAND work in your life!

2 years ago...

2011-02-07T16:40:00.000-05:00

I said "I do" to the man that I knew I would spend the rest of my life with!
If you were to ask both of us we would tell you that it feels like it has been more like 20 years. We say that not to say the past 2 years have been dreaded and long, but because we have been through so much.

The first year of marriage: in-laws, opinions, letting go of "it's all about me," sacrifice, leaving and cleaving, learning what to say and what not to say, dealing with each others "habits" etc...I'm sure you can relate?!?!?!
On top of all that we lost our first baby. By far the hardest thing I have ever endured. From seeing our lifeless baby on an ultrasound screen to actually experiencing a miscarriage, it was all a very emotional time for us.

The second year of marriage: lost our jobs, got pregnant AGAIN, some issues during my pregnancy, possible move, our sweet baby boy is born (after a long and complicated labor) and a family in the process of being restored...

The birth of our son was by far the greatest event that occurred during our 2 years of marriage; Trey would concur. So much so that after minutes of giving birth he looked at me and said, "we can have 15 more of these "things" if you want!" haha Definitely was not the time, but I was letting him bask in the moment.
Barington Stephen Sheneman was born on Dec. 9th, 2010 at 12:20 am 7.3lbs and 19.5 inches long! He overcame so much during the first week of his life. We were thrown with so many scares, it wasn't even funny. As his parents, Trey and I both held onto our faith and onto each other and Bear came through a champ!

Now here we are...celebrating 2 years of marriage! Considering all that the 3 of us have endured, we can rejoice singing the lyrics of this song:

We have overcome and as a result we are stronger and more united then ever!

To my love, I look forward to living my life with you for the next 70 yrs.-God willing! I truly believe that God has allowed us to go through all that we've gone through to one day help other young couples in their marriage! So, here's to our past, present and our future! Let's continue to praise Him for all that He has done and all that He is going to do...

All my love,
Your "Jenni-Bug"

Overwhelmed with gratitude...

2011-02-01T21:33:00.000-05:00

by God's goodness and faithfulness in my life!

Today was a BIG day for our lil' man...but let me back track to bring you up to speed on a few things.

The Sunday before Bear was born Trey and I spent the evening at church worshiping our Heavenly Father. After worship was over, a sweet friend of ours (who was sitting behind us with her husband) came to me to tell me she had received a Word from the Lord for me. Now, if anything like this freaks you out, I would encourage you to KEEP reading because afterwards you will have goose bumps running up and down your body! There's no denying that we serve a risen Savior. :)

At this point, we had no idea that Bear had any issues with his ears because that is not something they can detect on ultrasound. Got it? Ok. So, she proceeds to tell me that the Lord told her, "Bear will be quick to hear and slow to speak." I really was in shock, not knowing how to respond. I mean how do you respond to that? My thoughts, "of course my son will be able to hear." Ok, so he is slow to speak, no biggie.

Goose bumps yet? haha.

Bear is born and "ta-da" we have a son who is born with "supposedly" no ear canals and small ears. The Dr.'s inform us right off the bat that Bear CAN NOT hear and they didn't even bother doing a hearing test.
From there, they ran a BUNCH of genetic tests. We just got the results back from Emory and he has no SYNDROME'S (but his chromosome 13 was inverted-No biggie, apparently).
We were advised to get genetic testing as his parents and we will do just that!

Speed up to the last week or so...I keep getting a Word from God about the number 20 regarding Bear. All I could think was that he would only have 20% hearing loss...so, I finally said something to Trey and lo and behold Trey was getting the same thing. Coincidence? I think not.

With that being said, during his test they measured Bear's response to various different frequencies. Starting from 20, they worked up to 45. Basically, 20 is the lowest, softest sound that is emitted from the hearing test and 45 is the loudest. With me?!?!?

After an hour and a half of holding my son, the test was finally over. Mind you, I was praying over my son the entire time, "by Your stripes my son is Healed in Jesus name." What else would or could this momma do? I was helpless, so I did what I only knew to do, lift high the name of Jesus!
I also was taking glances at the 2 audiologist's faces trying to figure out what each facial expression meant...I couldn't help myself...the suspense was killing me!

I passed the time talking to the other audiologist about cases such as Bear's. The many questions I asked were: "Have you seen this in many children? Were the children born with it in both ears or one? More common in girls or boys? etc....She then proceeded to say the job is rewarding but can also be sad when babies come in with no nerves whatsoever. GULP. There's no help. NOTHING. GULP again.
While fighting off the attack from the enemy, I kept going back to the Word that was spoken over me, "Bear will be quick to hear, slow to speak!"

Once the test finished, the other audiologist said, "Your son hears at a NORMAL level!" The 20 you see is the softest setting and he can hear that at a normal level.

PRAISE THE LORD! Seriously. She went as far to say that Bear could very well have developed canals with a skin flap covering them! Now that would be an even bigger miracle!

For those of you out there who doubt that prayer works, you need to rethink your approach!

God IS AWESOME!

Please continue praying for fully developed ear canals and we look forward to sharing in that victory.

To God be the Glory!

Daddy Bear, Momma Bear, Baby Bear

7 weeks...Are you kidding me?

2011-01-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

It seems like yesterday we were leaving the NICU with our 1 week old baby boy. Although a lot of that time was spent a blur, so have these last 7 weeks. Seriously. I have blinked a few times and here we are.
He is the greatest little bundle of joy! He does my heart good. Ya know?

Our little man is starting to focus more (if there isn't a bright light distracting him), he's smiling from ear to ear, and wrapping his momma around his tiny little finger. He does great holding up his head. It's incredible to me. He loves to sleep snuggled on his daddy's chest while they sit on the couch. He loves the sound of our heart beats. I'm convinced of that. He most definitely will be a tummy sleeper which scares me just a tad-bit...ok, how about a WHOLE lot. We have the angel care monitor but, well, there is still some slight apprehension on my part. I have tested it and it does work but...I'm not fully trusting it just yet. So, for now, he will continue to sleep on his back waving his hands around (yes-he does that when he sleeps). I have even caught him with his arms and hands straight up next to his face. Quite cute if I do say so myself. I have a picture to prove it! See...

I told you!

At his last ped. appt., on Jan. 18th, he was in the 50th percentile for his weight and 65th percentile for his height. He weighed in at 10.5 lbs. and was 22.5 in. long. Can u say, "GROWING BOY?"

All in all he is a great baby. He sleeps very well. We try to keep him awake from about 6pm until his last feeding around 11. He typically falls asleep around 10:30pm...

His Great Aunt got him this swing and he LOVES it!

These are just a few Bear updates. I will do my best to stay

more on top of this blog esp. since the majority of it will be all about him!

That is one sweet face right there!

The 'What-Ifs' of life...

2011-01-27T13:51:00.000-05:00

This was taken from one of my devotions...I can certainly relate. Can you?

Generally, I consider myself a person of great faith but recently after doing some self reflection I realized my faith may not be quite as strong as I thought. In fact I actually have what I have coined as the “what-if syndrome.”

It seems I ask God a lot of questions about the things I believe He calls me to do.

What if I fail?
What if they don’t listen?
What if it doesn’t work out according to my plan?
What if this...?
What if that …?

All of my “what ifs” cause a delay in my obedience which is in fact disobedience.

When God says move, my faith needs to activate and cause me to move immediately. If God says I am healed, I should embrace that and walk in my healing. If God says, start that business, I should trust that the provisions to make that happen will come.

Whatever He speaks is already done. Yet, many times I try to analyze the situation and control every step of the process. However, my Christian experience reminds me that we are never in control; it’s all in God’s hand.

So why do we continue to stress, worry, fret, etc over our situations? It’s time to let it go and give it completely to God. Trust and believe and walk in faith knowing He always has us covered.

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:7, “For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

To me, both of those statements say the exact same thing and both of them require me (and you) to get rid of the “what-if” syndrome.

Do you realize how much we could accomplish if we REALLY operated in faith? Fear would have to flee and peace would overcome us – no matter what our physical eyes saw in front of us.

My “what ifs” have held me back long enough … I’m ready to cover my eyes and just walk wherever God tells me to go. Won’t you join me? We’ve tried to do it without faith, let’s try something new for a change. Let’s truly activate our faith and apply it to EVERY situation in our lives. I guarantee the outcome will be completely different. We have nothing to lose, and EVERYTHING to gain.

1st ENT visit!

2011-01-09T18:05:00.000-05:00

We were up bright and early on the 30th of December 2010. We are always up bright and early but this particular day required us to get dressed and head out the door VERY early. Thankfully, school was still out and so the traffic was minimal and we arrived at Children's in 50 mins. We had breakfast at the little deli inside of the office building and prayed for a great visit!

Bear slept and slept...until it was time for him to be poked and prodded AGAIN. Bless his little heart, he has been put through the ringer and I hate it for him.

Dr. Sipp is who Bear will be seeing from here on out. He was absolutely WONDERFUL! He had a positive outlook on the situation and had nothing but great things to say...considering.
He did say that there were 3 different cases of microtia (small ear): mild, moderate and extreme. Bear has a moderate case (grade 2). What makes Bear even that much more special is that he has it in both ears-bilateral- versus unilateral which is more common.

We loved the fact that Dr. Sipp was very candid with us about Bear's future and potential surgeries that could follow if we so choose to have his external ear reconstructed.
Trey made mention that we were people of faith and Dr. Sipp looked at us and said, "I am a man of faith but you are people of GREAT faith!"
That's exactly what we want people to say when they come into contact with us. We want Jesus to radiate through our family no matter what we face!

We met with the audiologist and she scheduled us for his ABR hearing test on the 25th of January. So, we ask that you begin praying now for the outcome of that test and that Bear sleeps for 3 hours during the test. It is making me nervous just thinking about it. If he doesn't sleep the entire time then the test can not be considered accurate and we would have to schedule another visit to try again. Ugh. Not fun.

Once Bear completes the test then Dr. Sipp will fit him for hearing aids. He will have to wear a head band with the hearing aids attached to it until he is 5. From there they will fit him with bone-conductive hearing aids.
The head band will have the bone-conductive hearing aids as well, it's just that when he gets old enough they will attach to his skull and he won't have to wear the head band any longer.
By the way, my husband can do a much better job describing all of this. As his momma, all I want to do is just give him my undivided attention and love on him ALL.THE.TIME. He deserves it.

Someone asked me if I was concerned about the expense of what may lie ahead. My answer? NOPE. Trey and I will do whatever it takes to see that Bear gets the best from this life. Now that I am a parent there is nothing that my child will lack esp. when it comes to his ability to hear and speak. I'm reminded that God will never give us more than we can handle and every time I look at my love bug's face...I believe it!

He is our angel baby and is beautiful in soooooooo many ways. We.Are.Blessed. PERIOD!
Every time you see this sweet little face please say a prayer for him. We are believing that God is going to do something great through Bear and that Bear will grow up with an amazing testimony!

Bear's 1st Christmas!

2011-01-02T11:54:00.000-05:00

This Christmas brought on a whole new meaning to me and Trey. We obviously kept it real and informed Bear what the real meaning of Christmas is all about.

It was just the three of us Christmas morning. Our own schedule. Ummm....well, I should say, Bear's schedule! :) And it was centered around two most precious gifts I have ever received-the birth of my Savior and the birth of my little miracle, my son! Who needed any presents when I already had all I needed?!?!

Before Bear ripped his presents open his daddy read the Christmas Story to all of us. It was beautiful to me! I know it will be the start of many memorable Christmas' to come!
Unfortunately, I'm not real sure how much Bear heard, he fell asleep shortly into the story. In his defense, I know he wasn't bored because he even fell asleep during the unveiling of his presents. Who does that?!?!? ;)

After we opened his presents it was about time for him to eat. So, Christmas was short lived....until we headed to Gigi & Poppa's!

Trey and I exchanged gifts long before Christmas. I gave him a new GPS & a Norelco shaver-both were super cheap & I never left my house to buy them!!!
Trey SURPRISED me this year (I'm not the surprising type)! During the laboring of our son, my sister-in-law had been taking pictures with her camera...not realizing that it wasn't her new one, she ended up giving us her old camera and Trey went and bought a lens for it. In MY defense, I would have realized it had I not been breathing in between contractions! ;) lol I also got a FlipMino-LOVE it! Once again, got to love deals on the internet a week before Christmas!
Anyways, it was great and I am loving using both of them. Pictures and videos are priceless and I can't wait till Bear can enjoy them!
I do need to get another lens to take close up pictures. It's driving me crazy that I can't get close up's of my "love bug!"
Here are a few pictures for you to enjoy!

There's nothing sweeter than my 2 boys!

Daddy Bear (with Bear's hat that his "Mo" gave to him) and Baby Bear about to read the Christmas Story!

Mak and Tripp lovin' on their cousin!

3 generations of Sheneman men!

For the record, I am his mom regardless of there not being any pictures of us. :( I will definitely makeup for that...

Christmas at Gigi and Poppa's was GREAT! Gigi and Poppa got him lots of clothes and toys!

Overall, it was a blessed day! I only hope next Christmas my family will be able to enjoy what we enjoyed this Christmas!

In His Great Love,
Jenni

Finishing Well...

2010-12-27T20:35:00.000-05:00

Be advised...I can't take credit for this post but it was so applicable to me. In this season. At this very moment. I hope you can take something from this blog. I did.

In a season of so many trials, Trey and I have clung to our faith- in the One who provided peace and reassurance- when no one else could. There have been times when we have both looked at each other and felt like we were Job...except this wifey will never say, "Curse God and die." We are in this for the long haul and plus, we know what the outcome was for Job! He is faithful!

Enjoy this post. I pray it blesses you and that you...FINISH WELL!

"It’s important that we pay close attention to timing of events that occur in our lives. We shouldn’t allow time to float by or to let things just happen. For those with a destination in mind, you have to understand the value of providential moments.

We serve a God with a purpose. He uses providential moments to effect and or change our current paths permanently if we are obedient. As we get closer to the end of this year of trying times, economic challenges and multiple job losses, it’s imperative that we draw even closer to God.

One of my first providential moments occurred in October 2003 when I was downsized from my job. I immediately knew that my survival depended on how I handled this moment. As I look back over the past years, I can tell you that I thank God that I recognized this occurrence as a providential moment that would segue way me into my purpose and not as an instance that was recorded by me as being wronged, picked on or overlooked.

Often times, we as Christians don’t practice what we preach. We consistently say that we want what God has for us. It troubles me that when God gives us what he has for us, we question him, curse him and even turn our backs on him. The story of Job is so befitting for those that want to finish well. We know that God allowed the enemy to test Job. We have to understand that our tests and trials are no surprise to him.

If we are doers of the word, we know that the enemy will want to challenge God’s best, which we all are. What assignments have you not completed that you know you must before the end of this year? Is it a book, a program for youth, or even a new career? What providential moment did you experience that clued you in that its time to make the next move?

It’s heart wrenching to get knocked out when you are in a fight. Successful fighters spend years preparing physically and mentally for the challenge that lies ahead. Like fighters, God prepares us seasons in advance. Don’t take anything for granted. You may not be where you think you should but what you have already experienced was for you to use in this season. God knew then what he could trust you with.

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells the parable of the talents. One man was given 5 talents, one was given 2 and one was given 1. The catch is that they were given talents based on their ability. In order to finish the rest of this year of “birthing” it’s important to get back in place, refocus and commit to go all the way so that you finish well."

Scripture Of The Day: "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." - Hebrews 10:36

Our Birth Story...

2010-12-21T19:02:00.000-05:00

It began at 5am on December 8, 2010. Little did we know Momma Bear & Daddy Bear were about to experience a wave of emotions over the next 8 days.

We arrived at Henry Medical at 5am thinking that the show was gonna start promptly...not so much. Labor didn't start till 7:30am when Dr. Lopatine broke my water and started me on pitocin. I definitely went into this experience wanting to go all natural. So much so, that the doctor basically told me I could go home, as he was extremely busy with many deliveries. Ha. Let's just say, in the moment, I was not very fond of him. But, I must say, he was great for the rest of the experience.

I was soooooo slow to progress...that I literally thought I would be in labor for at least 24 hours according to my mathematical calculations. Thankfully, I was not...only 17hrs!
By 3:30pm, I had dilated 4cm...and, it wasn't the pain that did me in...it was the thought of not having the strength to push when it came time.
Bear was not responding well, as his little heart was showing signs of distress. Tammy, who came on at 7pm, was a wonderful nurse. She actually delivered my girlfriend's little girl and she told us how incredible she was. So, we requested her and got her!
Regulating the pitocin, while trying to produce stronger contractions, was really messing with Bear. Let's just say he was perfectly content without being induced and probably could have waited just a little longer to enter this world. I know, son; you tried telling me over and over again. Through all the natural methods we used to get you here...I should have left the hospital that morning, but your Aunt Stacey wasn't going to be real happy with me. She took off several days of work so that she could be at your birth and so did your Gigi.

At about 8:30pm, I had dilated to 5.5 cm. YAY! Like I said, I was very slow to progress. :) The good news...at 11:30pm I was complete! WOOHOO! Aside from being on oxygen and concerned about my son's heart rate, I was extremely calm and in control. I had a few practice pushes with Tammy & then Dr. Lopatine came in at 12am for the special delivery...9 pushes and 20 minutes later Barington Stephen Sheneman was born! Well worth the long hours of labor! He weighed in at 7lbs. 3oz. and 19.5 inches long. It was by far the most incredible experience ever. To see my husband's face was priceless. He never left my side and watched the entire process till the very end. I do remember this comment coming from his mouth, "Baby, we can have 15 of these things if you want..." As I was getting stitched up. Ha. Right.

From there began the roller coaster ride. I will not detail every minute but will include the major details.
Shortly after his birth, his blood sugar levels were extremely low. My girlfriend, Melissa, who is a NICU nurse just so happened to be working in the nursery that shift. She actually gave Bear his first bath and took care of him for the few hours that remained on her shift. She was a blessing!

It was that morning that we were informed he would be heading to the NICU as he was not getting better. From there we were told he may have Down Syndrome, no ear canals, fluid on his brain, possible coarctation (heart related), heart murmur and eventually would have an issue with his sodium being too low.
Needless to say, Trey and I curled up in the hospital bed late that evening and cried out to God. We were both completely overwhelmed by the series of events that had transpired...could you blame us? Once again, the devil set out to steal our joy...but we rebounded and continued to press on in prayer believing for a completely healthy baby boy.
With many prayers going up on behalf of Bear, we were told that he did not have Down Syndrome and his brain scan was normal. After 4 cardiologists looked at Bear's heart, we were told that he was good to go and there was no reason to follow up. The prayers of the saints were being heard and the Lord was working it all out. Thank you, Jesus! After recovering from the low sodium levels which ended up being a fluid issue...nothing more and nothing less...we were given the green light. It's time to go home!
The ear issue will have to be looked at by an ENT & a cranial-facial surgeon, but this momma already believes that he can hear and that it will just be a cosmetic fix. I will continue to keep you posted and definitely appreciates any and all prayers.
"We are over comers by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony."

Sometimes we just need to tell the devil...that he has already been defeated!

By Grace Alone,
Jenni

Twas The Night Before Your Birth...

2010-12-07T18:58:00.001-05:00

and all through the house, Momma Bear was doing laundry, with no time to pout. The dishes were cleaned, and placed in the cupboard, as the house sat so quiet, not even an utter. Dad hurried home from calling his games, then packed moms 35 bags away in their sleigh. All of this bustle, was completed so quick; as we anticipated a gift not from St. Nick. No storks will be needed, to bring us our loot; just a doctor and nurses will help us induce. So tomorrow we'll meet you, the battle is won...Merry Christmas to us, we've been given a son!

We have anxiously waited for this day to come. Now that it is here, it seems so surreal..
You have not been very cooperative with our plans as it appears the name Bear is very fitting considering your nice long hibernation; nevertheless, it's time for you to come out! Two very special people are waiting to hold you and love on you...not to mention everyone else who can't wait to do the same.

Our prayer is that you feel the Father's love through His Son Jesus early and often in your lifetime. Daddy and I will love you unconditionally. Even so, our best attempts to love you will pale in comparison to the agape love of our Heavenly Father. We have prayed for your destiny to lead you down the narrow path and for your life to be an example of Jesus Christ. Your daddy and I are far from perfect but we do have some things right: 1) Christ is the center of our home and marriage 2) we are very much in love with each other and 3) we are already in love with you!

You were an unexpected blessing conceived in a time of testing. Yet, God knew all along the road He had planned for the three of us. We want you to know that you are loved beyond words, blessed beyond measure (because your daddy says we are the coolest parents ever) and more perfect than our wildest dreams.

barington stephen sheneman

our very special Christmas gift!

B-A-L-A-N-C-E

2010-11-21T22:42:00.000-05:00

I have really been thinking about that word and how drastically my life is about to change...for the better, of course! Everyday I think about how I will handle life, you know? God, husband, new baby, job, my home, family, friends etc...For those of you who have ever been a first time mom then hopefully, you can relate and share some words of wisdom. I definitely do not want to lose focus on the most important "person" in my life-God, but yet even in the midst of preparing for Bear I find myself already putting Him on the back burner. It is certainly not intentional. I just need to find that balance. My first thought is, "Lord, I need more hours in the day..." and I feel as though He gently responds and says, "No, you just need to use your time wisely." Ouch. Obviously, with a newborn, there will be certain things that take priority but nothing should take priority of my God. I definitely follow the principles of God first, family second and career third and everything else follows. Yet, why do I already feel so guilty that I have neglected the first?

This is just me being open and transparent. I am a firm believer in accountability and have not ever had an issue with disclosing personal struggles to keep me in check. So, maybe this is just what I needed to do! If anything, I have my blog to fall back on as my accountability partner! :)

By the way, when our sweet little bundle of joy finally arrives I will keep you up to date about this whole issue of B-A-L-A-N-C-E.

Love this time of the year...and,

2010-11-21T22:27:00.000-05:00

I love it even more because I get 50 free holiday cards to send out to all of you AND, of course, I love that very soon we will get to meet out new addition! I can't wait to capture his precious little face on some of these sweet Christmas cards...

Speaking of Christmas cards, did you know that Shutterfly does online Christmas cards? They are very cost effective and well done. All you have to do is choose your images, create your cards, order them and then send them out. Plus, if you are willing to blog about their great deals, then you can get 50 Christmas cards for free! Pretty neat, huh?

So, take some time to blog about such a cool opportunity and then enjoy Shutterfly's giving spirit during this Holiday season.

Well, Trey and I have practically finished the nursery, readied our home, and are now readying our hearts to embrace BEAR and welcome him into the world. We truly hope that all of you experience the peace and joy that only the love of Jesus can bring during this year's Holiday season. So, go take some time and blog about the giving spirit, grab your free Christmas cards, and be sure to give away lots of Holiday cheer!

Tis the season!

Just some of my favorite cards...

Some wants and desires...

2010-09-16T21:35:00.000-04:00

Seeing as though I'm 29 weeks today and the reality of Bear coming is in the forefront of my mind, there are some things I would like to have before he arrives. This is obviously my "wish" list...

1) A new car...not brand new unless you feel moved by the Spirit and would like to get me one! ;) I really like the new Honda Odyssey-white with tan leather interior...The biggest reason above all is for safety. I currently drive a Jetta and have yet to figure out how I am going to fit Bear's car seat in the back without my husband or me driving with our knee's hitting the dashboard. So, in my mind, I'm justified in wanting a new car! Simple.As.That.

2) A getaway with my husband...this one is well over due and definitely deserved. If you knew what we have endured over the course of the last 7 months then you would agree. On top of that, they say a vacation before baby arrives should be a priority!

3) A Flip Video Camera...to capture all the moments that my husband and I will share with Bear! Enough said.

4) A Canon EOS Rebel 10.1MP Digital SLR, Bag and Extra 75-300mm Zoom Lens...I definitely plan on scrap-booking again...and want pictures that show off the beauty of my family! :) Do you know if they make a Canon with higher MP's? I notice that Nikon does, but hear that Canon is much nicer.

Ok, well, that's that. Not too bad, huh?!?!?

Oh and by the way, I realize I have yet to post a prego picture on here but it is definitely coming...this weekend!

To Our Son...

2010-09-13T21:16:00.000-04:00

I was overwhelemed with emotions, son, when I found out that God had given you to us. I didn't understand nor was I expecting to become pregnant anytime soon. What you don't know now, but will know in the future, is that your daddy lost his job right before we found out you were already 'cookin in my oven.' Soon after, your momma did too.

On top of that, you were conceived a year later from when your big "sister" was conceived...your due dates are literally with in a year and a few days apart from each other. But, for what ever reason, we never got to me 'her' like we will you. 'She' is safe and sound with your Uncle Stevie-whose name you have taken on! Stephen is your daddy's older brother, who went to be with Jesus when he was a little boy. So, your name is EXTRA special because of all that your uncle means to our family and for the fact that he is taking care of your big "sister." Which means we know you will be very special, too!

I'm writing you this letter as you kick and squirm inside of me. By the way, to feel you alive and well inside of me is pretty spectacular! I wanted you to have something to read over when you got older. Something that you could read for yourself...a letter from your mommy & daddy.

More specifically there are some things that I needed to document even now...as you continue growing and flourishing inside of me.

Me and your daddy have been attending a church that has brought such joy and fulfillment to our lives, especially in this season...
The night of September 12, 2010 was a very special night. You had many people praying for you and, as a result, the Lord spoke to them to give your daddy and I just a glimpse of the baby you will be and the man that you will become. Other than the fact that we have prayed for your health, we have also prayed that you will live to bring honor and glory to His name and that you will love the Lord as much as we do.
We now know that our prayers will be answered.

This is what was spoken over you when I was 28 weeks pregnant:

"You will grow up to move and operate in the prophetic- you will be a prophet."

"You will carry a supernatural joy that people will notice something amazing about you. So much so, your daddy and mommy won't even be able to comprehend." The woman who spoke this over you broke out in tears because even she said she couldn't explain it.

As your mother, I stood there and wept as these words were being spoken over you, and so did your daddy. Your daddy by the way, had a dream about you the night before and he said that you were leading thousands of people to Christ. You are going to be a bastion for the things of God...so, how ever old you are right now, as you are reading this, know that God has big plans for you....do not fret or lose hope because He will bring them to perfection in His timing...much like He brought you to us in His timing.

Your name has strong meaning. Separately your two names mean "barington" the land of a troubled person and "stephen" which means crown or victor. So, you will be the Conqueror and Victor over lands that are troubled...you will be a man who takes back for the Lord what the devil has tried to steal, kill and destroy. In this season where the devil tried to stomp you out and take mommy and daddy's joy, you were here to bring oil in the mourning...so, walk humbly, speak kindly, live intently, love passionately, pray diligently, and be the Conqueror God wants you to be.

We love you, Bear!

Mommy and Daddy

The Righteous Will Never Be Moved

2010-09-12T10:49:00.001-04:00

As Christians, sometimes we just need to know that despite bad news, set backs and trials, God still shines his face down on his children- The Righteous.

I was watching Jentezen Franklin this morning and he referenced Psalm 112. His wife is a builder (new news to me) and every house they have lived in she has built. That's pretty cool! Anyways, during the construction of their current house, they opened up their Bible to Psalm 112, wrapped it up, and laid it in the foundation of their home. How cool! It makes me want to dig up a place in my home and lay a Bible in it. I know- crazy. But think about the power of laying-The Rock- as the foundation of your home? When the storms of life blow against your home, your spouse and your children, you can go back to the foundation of His Word. It's a safety and security net. He hears the cries of his children and knows our deepest desires.

As I read through Psalm 112 out loud with my husband, I was overcome with emotion as I read His words for us.

¹^[a]^(A) Praise the LORD!^(B) Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
   who^(C) greatly delights in his commandments!
²His^(D) offspring will be mighty in the land;
   ^(E) the generation of the upright will be blessed.
³^(F) Wealth and riches are in his house,
   and his^(G) righteousness endures forever.
⁴Light dawns in the darkness^(H) for the upright;
   he is gracious, merciful, and^(I) righteous.
⁵It is well with the man who^(J) deals generously and lends;
   who conducts his affairs with justice.
⁶For the righteous will^(K) never be moved;
   ^(L) he will be remembered forever.
⁷He is not^(M) afraid of bad news;
   his^(N) heart is firm,^(O) trusting in the LORD.
⁸His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
   until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.
⁹He has^(P) distributed freely; he has given to the poor;
   his righteousness endures forever;
   his^(Q) horn is exalted in honor.
¹⁰The wicked man sees it and is angry;
   he^(R) gnashes his teeth and^(S) melts away;
   ^(T) the desire of the wicked will perish!

As you read this verse this morning, I pray that no matter what you're going through that you will not allow the attacks of the enemy to move you from your place of peace. I realize that this is easier said then done. If there is anyone that this is most applicable to it's us...right now...during this season. So, if I can do my best to not be swayed by the mental attacks of the enemy, so can you!

Have a wonderful Sunday! And, if you could, please say a special prayer for my family-Bear, Trey and me.

Thank you,

~Jenni~

Welcoming Fall...early!

2010-08-31T22:05:00.001-04:00

Do you love my new background?!??! Well, I do... at least. I'm 'trying' to get a little more savvy...is it working?
I think it is an 'in-season' kind of blog...don't you think? :)

Today is August 31st, and I am choosing to embrace the new season (fall) early....despite the fact that it's going to be 93 degrees today.
I am doing a lot of things sooner rather than later since we have a special delivery coming soon! Christmas is my favorite time of the year; I care nothing about Halloween...So, Christmas will come EARLY in our home this year-starting Halloween weekend! My husband kinda thinks I'm crazy but when it is all said and done, he enjoys it just as much as I do.
Last year was our first Christmas in our home and we had a great time decorating the tree. Trey's parents came over and my "spiritual parents-" Gary & Judy- all helped with the decorating...Well, I should say that the men sat, observed, and took pictures. My husband, on the other hand, was very hands on. He will have to be that much more hands on this year too, as I "waddle" around trying to make our home ready for "Bear" and his first Christmas! Exciting stuff people.
Have I mentioned how excited I am to meet my baby boy?!?!? Well, I am REALLY excited!

As we embrace the change of season (thank God), I have a lot to be thankful for this year. Last year'sThanksgiving was difficult. We endured the heart ache of a miscarriage, as our baby would have been due around November 31st. I still think about "her" often and it is hard to believe that "she" would be approaching a year old in just a few months. But, God has been gracious to me and Trey by giving us another "miracle." Aren't babies by nature miracles? I mean think about the intricate design that goes into creating a life. Doctor's are even blown away!
Our little baby boy is most definitely a God-send. Once again, we were not even trying and wouldn't you know-another baby Sheneman on the way! Our babies' due dates are actually close to one year apart from each other. It amazes me to think that God saw my broken heart and saw fit to give us another try as parents...even in the midst of uncertainty.

So, here's to the start of a new season. Are you ready? For some, it will be a season of difficulty and trials, while others a season of success and pure bliss. Either way, are you ready for the new season? Are you equipped with the Word of God, covered in his armor and prayed up like never before? If not, you need to get there. There is nothing sweeter then basking in his presence both when times are good and bad.

In His Grace,
~Jenni~

COUPONS...S-A-V-E!

2010-08-16T21:39:00.000-04:00

Despite the fact that I have not blogged in...ummmm, well, over a month now, I decided to open on a positive note and discuss this whole coupon thing again! My "spiritual" parents, who I have known for quite sometime now- we attended the same church in Miami for years-really out did themselves and blessed Trey and I immensly. She likes to say if it wasn't for me showing her how to coupon then what they brought for us would have never been...I'm humbed by her comment but at the same time we both desire to be good stewards of what God has entrusted to us...we just happen to really get this whole coupon thing!
With that being said, here is a list of what all they bought for me, Trey and Bear. It's pretty amazing!

JENNI & TREY SUPPLIES 8/4/10

Toilet Paper 1 Charmin 9 pack

Shaving Cream/ Men’s 5 3 Fusion / 1 CVS/ 1 Gillette Satin Care

Rolaids / Regular 2

Shampoo 6 JF Root Awakening Strength/ Aussie Awesome Vol/ Aussie Cleanse Mend /Herbal Essence Body Envy / HE Drama Clean / Suave Prof 2 in1 Smoothing

Conditioner 1 Dove Color Repair

Hairspray 1 JF Luxurious Volume All Out Hold

Body Wash / Womens 4 Dove Energize / Suave Naturals: Cucumber & Melon, Ocean Breeze

Body Wash / Mens 10 4 Nivea Active 3 / 2 Nivea Energy/ 4 Gillette Hydrator & BW

Kitchen Dish Soap 1 Dawn Orange

Qtips 1 300 pack

Mouthwash 1 Crest ProHealth 1 Liter Clean Mint

Toothpaste 6: 4 Colgate / 1 Crest / 1 Rembrandt

Toothbrushes 6

Razors / Men’s 4 Fusion Pro Glide with 2 cartridges

Razors / Women’s 8: 1 V. Embrace /2 V. Tropicals / 1 Noxema / 2 Bic Soleil / 2 Schick Extreme3

Deodorant Womens 5: 2 Degree / 2 Mitchum / 1 Secret

Deodorant Men’s 9: Gillette Right Guard Defense 5 / Gillette Clear Gel

Cleansing Bars 10 Neutrogena

Dentyne 9: 5 Pure / 2 Fire / 2 Ice

Floss 1 Reach Mint Wax

Sunscreen 1 Neutrogena Body Mist Sunblock SPF 45

Face Scrub 1 Gillette Fusion

After Shave 1 G. Fusion Instant Hydration

Face Wash 1 G. Fusion

Face Treatment 1 Neutrogena Wrinkle Treatment

Lip Balm 1 Banana Boat SPF 45

MK Eye MU Rmr 1 Trial Size

Feminine Pads 10: 6 Stayfree Maxi Super / 1 U Kotex Reg / 1 U Kotex Heavy / 2 Carefree Ultra

Feminine Liners 2: 1 U Kotex Reg / 1 Always Dry Plus

$438 Estimated Retail

Baby Barington

Diapers Jumbo 7 Pampers: 5 Sensitive #2 / 2 Swaddler #2

Diapers Box 2: Pampers Swaddler #2

Wipes Boxes 6: Pampers 3 Sensitive / 3 Unscented

Wipes Refills 3: 2 Pampers Unscented / 1 Rite Aid Unscented

Wash 3: JJ Moist Care BW / Soothing Vapor / Bubble Bath & Wash

Shampoo 2: JJ No More Tears / JJ Lavender

Oil 1 JJ Gel

Lotion 1 JJ Baby Lotion (Pink)

Diaper Rash 1 Desitin Maximum Original

Bar 1 JJ Baby Bar

$216 Estimated Retail

Sub Total Est Retail to this point: $654 / Estimate Out Of Pocket: $60

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday 8/8: Walgreens & CVS

1 Schick Hydro 5 Razor 1 Schick Hydro5 Razor

1 Schick Hydro Shave Cream 1 Schick Hydro Shave Cream

2 Women’s Dial B/W 3 John Freida Conditioners

2 U Kotex Pads 2 VO5 Conditioners

1 Bio Tru Contact Solution 1 Folder

2 Womens’ Nivea B/W

1 Men’s Nivea B/W

Several Folders

$60 Est Retail (8/8) - Out Of Pocket: $5.29
$51 Est (8/8) Retail - OOP: $3.89

Moving right along...

2010-06-28T22:05:00.000-04:00

I am going on 18 weeks and I feel (physically) great! Emotionally, well, that is another story. If you read the latter post you would know why. Needless to say, I am progressing in my pregnancy and moving right along. Trey and I were able to find out what the sex of our baby was last Tuesday, the 22nd. We are having a BOY! Well, at least our friend, Denise told us she was 80% sure. She has been a blessing and has given us two ultrasounds since being pregnant. I love her! My husband was 100% convinced it was a boy because he said he saw, "the turtle." I, on the other hand, was like I don't see anything, I "thought" I did but I was holding out hope that I was looking at a "cheeseburger" and not a "turtle." I have been very open about wanting a girl and I don't regret it one bit. I think it is rather cliche to say, "I want a healthy baby." My response when people say that is, "Ummm no duh, doesn't everybody? Now, tell me what you really want- a boy or girl?" That's what people really want to know. Why do you think they ask?
Anyways, it has finally kicked in that we are having a boy and I'm thrilled! My girlfriend told me just give it 24 hrs. Ha! I needed a little longer. LOL. Even my niece was having trouble comprehending that this baby is a boy and not a girl! Apparently, I wasn't the only one who wanted a little girl. Maybe next try, Makinley.

I will post a belly pic soon. I promise. I really haven't had the motivation. My husband and I have been consumed with a lot lately and I just look forward to getting jobs so that I can start enjoying the rest of this pregnancy and all the planning that goes along with it!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. They are much needed and greatly appreciated!

"Why Us & Why Now?"

2010-06-28T21:50:00.000-04:00

I obviously have not written anything in a very.long.time. And, well, I've been a bit overwhelmed & really haven't cared to post anything.

As you can tell by the title of this blog, I really don't understand. Trey and I are going through a very difficult place right now. I can't explain it, I really don't get it, and yes, I am completely frustrated at times. My husband and I have done right and lived our lives according to God's Word- we are tithers, givers (to others & the church), helpers, and we've worked hard, but yet, here we are...
There are many in this world who have jobs and money yet all they do is cry poor mouth and ask for hand me outs and yet they are better off then we are at this point. I say that to say, even when Trey and I did have jobs, we never asked for anything from anyone; in fact, we would do for others even when we knew it was a stretch for us. We didn't make a lot of money but we made enough to take care of our responsibilities.

We have a baby on the way and all I keep thinking about is this baby. It has been extremely difficult to enjoy this pregnancy because of all the, "What ifs." I hate it. And, honestly, I can't say that I have not cried out to God in anger. In fact, I even said to my husband today (when I had a mini melt down), "last year when we conceived we had jobs and we were in a good place and yet God allowed for us to never see our baby here on earth, but this year He decides to give us another baby and here we are-no jobs & slowly but surely running out of money." It doesn't make sense to me. Do I believe there will be a testimony to share in the end? Most definitely but it still doesn't take away from the pain that we've experienced as a result. The shed tears. The anger. The confusion. The weariness. The heartache.

I'll close with this...Maybe you can't relate to this blog today and you know what I hope you don't ever have to. It's not fun. Or maybe you can completely relate and can sympathize. Whatever your case I hope that you can look at your life, your job, and your finances and say, "Thank you, Lord, that you have provided."

By Grace Alone,
~Jenni~

"Going through a hard place...

2010-05-02T19:37:00.000-04:00

leads to your high place!"

Boy, what a whirlwind my husband and I have gone through over the last several months. Changes and surprises left and right! Can I just say how grateful I am to serve a God who knows all of my deepest thoughts, concerns, and desires. Aside from my husband, He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

Trey and I, back in February, got word that he would no longer be employed by his current employer for next year. We both made the decision that day to view this season as a promtion, not a demotion. As a result of that news, we began praying as a couple (which I love & I'm blessed to have a husband who is comfortable doing so) and we sought the Lord together (which I recommend any couple do). Sidebar- I really do believe God delights and honors a husband and wife who come boldy before His throne of grace TOGETHER- unified. This was never modeled before me but, thankfully, I was able to serve under a ministry where the wife was honored and respected just as much as the man. Although the man is called to be the provider of the household, there's something to be said about a husband who can come to his wife, out of respect for her, to seek out her input and thoughts. That's why I always desire to be prayed up and fine tuned to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

So, the job search began. Trey has always had a desire to write music--a "dream" of sorts--and he recently decided to pursue that desire with a buddy of his. So,we set off for a few trips to Nashville...where he and his buddy recorded in the studio. While we were up there, we both filled out applications and sent our resumes to MANY different schools. The first school Trey found, contacted, and applied to had an opening for Spiritual Life Director (and the funny thing was it never was posted on their website). Completely a God thing. After our trip there in February, we came home, continued about our business and Trey continued to submit resumes and applications ALL over.

Spring break rolled around and back to Nashville we went...by this time I had FALLEN IN LOVE. I.will.not.lie. It's gorgeous. In fact, I actually fell in love our first trip up there.

Trey had an interview with the school I mentioned above (the first school) and it went really, really well! Unfortunately, the headmaster (who he was suppose to interview with) had some heart troubles so he was unable to make it. Thankfully, the interview went on with the school's principal, lead high school teacher, and guidance counselor. The interview was a success and they spoke very highly of Trey to the headmaster. So, with an interview and some more recording behind the belt, we headed back to ATL.

When we got home, we discovered that some more surprises and changes were under way. We discovered that baby Sheneman was "cooking in the oven." Many of you know that we miscarried last May and that was the starting point of this blog. Well, it just so happens that we conceived around the same time this year. I love the fact that God loves us enough to give us back- to restore- that which we've lost. With that being said, I have been carrying some precious cargo for the last 9 weeks and 3 days (to be exact). I can't tell you how happy we are...because words just can't express it. Honestly, we were being so careful as we knew there were alot of things "up in the air" for us. But, it's just like God. All I can say is that He works for our good and His glory. And, that's exactly what He is going to get from this family-ALL the glory!

Here we are today. Me-very moody, gassy, constipated, and of course, nauseous! I am easily agitated by what people say and do or what they do not do...but I struggle with this anyway. So, being pregnant has made it that much "worse." I think I have done ok "holding my tongue." Can someone tell me that this will gradually get better, please???

My husband-in the "waiting" room and on the verge of making a decision about our future. He has been presented with two job opportunities- the headmaster from the school in Nashville, TN took him to lunch yesterday to discuss the Spiritual Life Director position & we head to Charleston, S.C. next weekend to interview at a school there.

Stay tuned!

I was not lying when I said we have faced many changes...Either way my husband and I are at peace knowing that He will show us exactly where it is He wants us. At the end of the day, it is us "three" who will be living with the decision, not anyone else.Your prayers are appreciated and don't leave out our little "miracle-" which is exactly what this baby is to us.

I look forward to reporting great news in the next few weeks.

Thank you Lord for hard places because it is those hard places that get us to our high place!

L-I-F-E

2010-04-18T22:26:00.000-04:00

I often take "life" for granted and I mean that in every sense of the word. Life. What causes it? What stops it? It's simple...both life's ending and beginning are a heart beat away. In an instant, life can be born with a "simple" heart beat and, in another instant, it can be taken away as a result of the heart stopping.
I mean, really? I don't know about you, but I don't wake up every morning or go to bed wondering if my heart will stop beating today. Do you? I guess for those who have suffered heart attacks and other health issues life takes on a whole new meaning.

But for me, I don't think about it. Do I think about death? Yes. But I never associate it with a heart ceasing to beat. Odd, I know.
The truth is that no matter how God "ordains" our death, it will result in our heart ceasing to beat.

I say that to say this: the miracle of a heart beat is P-R-I-C-E-L-E-S-S. It's in that moment, when we see or hear a heart beat, that we do everything in our power to protect our life. We are cautious, careful, and we cease to do things that could jeopardize that powerful beat of the heart.
If you have ever miscarried- then you can relate... if you've ever encountered a heart attack, then you can relate...and if you have ever faced a health issue that has jeopardized the beating of your heart, then you can relate too.

The anniversary day is approaching (May 6th) of when I was on an examination table and, unbeknownst to me, was about to have an ultrasound. Trey and I were completely taken back but, of course, very EXCITED! It was at that moment that we expected to see and hear a heart beat... I knew, once I saw the ultrasound screen that there was a "baby," but something was wrong. I looked at my husband, with tears in my eyes, asking him what was wrong (as if he were my super hero who could magically fix the situation) and he assured me with an "it's going to be ok". The doctor came in and did his examination and there was no.heart.beat. Whew. It was at that moment that the meaning of a heart beat deepened to me. And, as that day approaches, I am reminded of the P-O-W-E-R of a heart beat. It truly is powerful!
So, today I want you to take a look at your life. Examine the beat of your heart. Is it pure? Is it healthy? Is it whole? If not, do something about it because tomorrow is not promised. God gave you a heart beat for a reason; so protect it, guard it, and take care of it.

Today, I'm choosing to celebrate L-I-F-E. Will you join me?

Finding rest...

2010-03-31T09:32:00.000-04:00

My blog today will be short and sweet, hopefully.

Once again, certain people in my life bring more drama then I know what to do with and I'm tired of it. Literally. I was so emotionally drained by the time I laid my head on my pillow last night, I don't remember "pillow" talk time with my husband. How grateful I am to have a husband like I do! Who goes before the Lord on my behalf when I can't even speak another word. For three days straight I have had such peaceful rest. It has been bliss, considering what my days have been like. Thank you, Lord.

Yesterday in my first period class, I literally was overcome with tears and emotion that, at one point, I could not even teach. I had another teacher cover my class so that I could run to the bathroom. My poor kids were looking at me clueless and helpless. They kept asking, "Mrs. Sheneman are you ok?" "Are you sad because you are selling Nala?" Kids are absolutely a blessing from the Lord even after they enter 6th grade! ;) On a side note, our memory verse for this week is James 1:1-2 "...consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. 3) because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4) Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Another one of God's daily provisions for my life! Oh, how grateful I am to have Him as my constant.

In the midst of all this "stuff," I'm choosing to find rest. I pray that in the midst of this day, in your situation, and in your trial that you would also find rest.

Psalm 91:1-2, "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High, will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Matthew 11:28, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

From Debt to F-R-E-E-D-O-M....

2010-03-28T08:37:00.000-04:00

Below you will find a testimony from some very dear people in my life. People who I call my spiritual advisors/mentors/parents. They truly know what it means to live within their means and to sow into God's kingdom. We are blessed to have them in our lives! I will not ramble any longer, but I pray you would see two things in this testimony: discipline and diligence. As a result of these two things, the favor of God rests upon their lives because of their obedient hearts.

We were married in 1987, and our first mutual investment was heating oil futures in the commodities market, and we lost every penny. We did not get rich quick...but we were both working in corporate America and this was just one of the many ways we found to spend money. Fortunately, we did manage to make some intelligent choices and establish some retirement savings along the way.

In 1991, we felt in control of our future and decided to start a business in antiques. And though an accountant advised that this would not work, we just knew it couldn't fail. I (Judy) quit my job testing computer software to run the new business. Four years later when the store lease finally ended, we were about $110,000 in credit card debt from covering the business losses. We continued the business on a much smaller scale and were able to start making a profit, but not enough to repay the debt.

Gary and I continued to struggle in a very worldly fashion by transferring credit card balances and making minimum payments until 2001. That's the year we both gave our lives to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and discovered Crown Financial Ministries. In January of 2002 we led our first Crown Small group study.

The revelation knowledge of what God says about stewardship, in this bible study, is phenomenal. In addition to studying God's Word, we implemented Crown's practical approach to our budgeting and spending. The wisdom we received from God's Word has truly helped us get our financial life in order, and it could have saved us from many of the poor financial decisions we made prior to 2002.

One of the first practical applications in the Crown study was to create a debt summary of what we owed. Comparing our original summary from 2001 to various points since, it is a blessing to see how God has worked through our application of His principles.

In just three years, we had reduced our total debt by $40,000. In addition, we had taken control of our spending by living within our budget, had transferred the remaining credit card debt into our mortgage, and had paid off our credit card bills with no balance every month for over two years. We had gone from no emergency savings to 3-4 months of living expenses saved.

Another area of our finances impacted by this study was how we viewed our automobiles. In 2002, we were emotionally ready to upgrade our older vehicle for a newer one. This would have burdened us by continuing with two car payments. However, this would not meet our budget so we decided to hold off getting a new car. Instead, we maintained our car expenses to within our budgeted amount, paid off the second car and started setting aside money for the future purchase of a new used car. In 2006, we were able to replace our older vehicle by paying cash for a newer used car.

The most significant change to our spending occurred in the area of giving. When we took the Crown course our total giving was about equal to our tithe. As we filled out our taxes for 2004 and did the math, we found that our giving had increased to over 15% of our income.

Our long term goal was to become completely debt free, and in January 2007, we felt God place it upon our hearts to achieve this goal. It required a step of faith because Gary would have to change employers, and we would have to leave the area we had lived in for 26 years. Within three months of starting his search, Gary had a job offer and we decided to make the move.

When shopping for our new house, we kept moving up our price range because of our emotional desires. About three weeks into the search we both, independently, felt in our spirits the need to refocus on our objective, and downscale our price range. Within a week the right house at the right price came on the market.

When our old house sold, we were able to tithe on the increase on the value of our old home, and pay off our new mortgage before the first payment was due.

Since August 2007, we have been free of all debts and continue to give generously into God’s kingdom. However, the most rewarding result from taking the Crown Small group study has been the walk with God that brought us out of debt and closer to God.

Sincerely,
Gary & Judy

If that isn't a financial testimony then I don't know what is. Trey and I are doing our best to implement the tools that I have learned in Crown as well as the guidance and direction of Gary and Judy. I remember Gary and Judy talking to me about emergency savings last summer. Making sure that Trey and I were ok, if God forbid, a financial crisis hit our home. Well, seeing as though we are in a time of transition, I find it reassuring and extremely grateful that Gary and Judy had that talk with me. Thankfully, we have set aside enough funds to sustain us through this time of transition. Thank you, Lord!

I pray this has blessed you. Enjoy your Sunday!

Gettin' Busy!

2010-03-15T14:53:00.000-04:00

Trey and I have been doing a lot of work on our home; well, atleast I think so. We have hung new light fixtures (yes, all of which required turning off the power), installed new door knobs, and even some painting (which was very short-lived). Our weekends have been spent "perfecting" our already perfect home! Again, atleast I think so and, my opionion, along with my husbands, is the only one that counts! Ha. :)

We actually have a realtor coming out this week to assess our home. We are hoping that with all we have done, she will be like, "WOW, this house is amazing and ready to sell." Seriously, I don't think I could handle doing anything else at this point unless it were free. And we all know, in many cases free is hard to come by; unless, of course, you are grocery shopping! :)

The kitchen was the last thing that needed painting and it got finished today. YIPPIE! That means since we have moved in we have had our entire house painted with the exception of the dining room which has wall paper. I have yet to take it down because I really LOVE it and the pattern matches the chandelier.
The house sure does look nice or neutral? Both. I don't know about you but when I look at buying a home paint color is the first thing I notice. Neon pink, bright purple and lime green walls aren't exactly the color palettes that this girl would choose from. In fact, I cringe at the sight. So, we have chosen a neutral paint color in the upstairs bedrooms, office and kitchen. Literally, all it would take is for someone to move their stuff in and they wouldn't have to do a thing. Well, unless they wanted neon pink, bright purple, and lime green walls. In that case, knock yourself out-- JUST BUY OUR HOME! :)

With that being said, I am fully confident that if the Lord desires us to be elsewhere He will make a way, where in an economy like this one, others would say, "chances are slim in selling your home."
Remember my last blog post? God operates outside of the human mind and ability because He is the one who is to get ALL the glory and honor. Our sinful nature wants to take credit for everything but if it is outside the human ability then He gets all the credit. Can I just say how comfortable and at peace I am believing that to be true!

This was pretty random and completely oustide of my "normal" blog posts, but I wanted to post this in the hopes that you would pray for the selling of our home and maybe you know someone or you yourself is looking to buy a home in Heron Bay!

Relaxin',
~Jenni-Shene~

The One Who is Called Faithful...

2010-03-06T09:34:00.007-05:00

REALLY IS...I promise!

Often times, in a world, where there is so much chaos and confusion, we need to find our rest in the One who is stable (un-moved; despite the situation), in control, and all-knowing. I pray, on this Saturday morning, that you can trust, that even in the midst of your situation, He is still: Full of Wisdom, Infinite, Sovereign, Holy, Omniscient, FAITHFUL etc...My God, I just get ELATED typing these words out. No lie.

A.W. Tozer writes, “Man’s spiritual history will positively demonstrate that no religion has ever been greater than its idea of God. Worship is pure or base as the worshipper entertains high or low thoughts of God.”
You have two choices here: praise Him in the bad or give Him nothing at all. And as a result, of you doing one or the other, you will determine your thoughts towards God at that moment, whether it be subconscious or not. You will. I will.
Now, in my earlier days of being a Christian, the Bible calls those- "Babes in Christ," I would worship based on my feeling of God (what has he done for me lately mentality) at that moment. Can any of you relate? Or was I just overly transparent?
I didn't realize that my praise towards Him had the power to change my situation. But as I have grown older and wiser (hopefully), I have come to realize that my praises to Him have the power to change things. Demons flee at the name of Jesus. Which means when I'm praising Him, I am recognizing that He is who He says He is: Holy, Sovereign, FAITHFUL, Full of Wisdom....get it? Therefore, demons can not entertain you or me, only He can-the One who is Faithfully Holy. ALWAYS.
Those thoughts of abandonment can't consume you because, "He will never leave you nor forsake you; he sticks closer than a brother, a friend, your spouse, your parents etc..."
Those thoughts of fear, worry, and doubt can't consume you any longer, even though your spouse doesn't have a job, because God is Sovereign- ALL-knowing; He knew your END from your beginning. He is the One who orders your footsteps. He is the One who causes promotion.

At some point in our Christian walk we have got to get to this place. Peace dwells here. I promise. When others around me can worry like no tomorrow I can say, "I know God will make a way where there seems to be no way." I mean when we really think about it isn't that how God operates anyways? Outside of the human mind? Don't you ever wonder why He doesn't operate in ways that we can understand? I do, well, atleast in my mind I do. Hey, it works for me. :) This is what I have found: faith requires us to believe in those things that are unseen. So in order for God to be God and for me to have faith, it is required of Him to operate outside of my human capacity because if man can think it, man gets all the credit, but if God can think it then we will give him all the glory. And as his children, are "job" is to praise Him, glorify Him, and honor Him.
Our perspective of God, I believe, has a lot to do with our worship towards Him. It is a mindset. "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
It is that feeling you get when the alarm goes off at 4:30 a.m. and you really don't want to get out of the bed to go to the gym. But, you know you have to if you want to see results. Well, I really believe if you expect to see things change around you it first starts with praise. Which, might I add, completely contradicts our society today. We don't praise until we get results.

I encourage you, start praising Him in the storm and see what happens! Try not to allow thoughts that contradict who God is to leave your mouth. There is power in the tongue. Once you speak it, you ended up believing it. So speak life into your situation today!

I will close for now. But, if you have gained anything from toay's blog I hope it was this: He is Full of Wisdom, Infinite, Sovereign, Holy, Omniscient, FAITHFUL etc...He loves you, cares for you and desires to take care of you ALL the days of your life.

Still Praisin',

~Jenni~

P.S. My chief editor (my husband) was not present to edit my blog, so I hope I didn't throw you off with all my grammatical errors. Nope, not afraid to admit that I absolutely stink in English, but I hope to be getting better. :)
Have a great weekend!

Not this month...

2010-02-28T15:34:00.003-05:00

Lets just say I was relieved after discovering I was not pregnant...
Being a little "late" and recently hearing some disheartening news definitely caused this woman to momentarily panic. On the other hand, my husband was very dissapointed that we were not pregnant. Bless his heart. He actually got to experience what I felt like this time last year when we discovered we were. The emotions were flipped this go around. I got to feel his worry and he got to (momentarily) feel the joy of possibly knowing we were expecting. Interesting.

For the sake of my own integrity, as well as my husband's, I will forego the details of the "disheartening news" part.
But what I will say... is... that.... NOTHING.... catches God by surprise. He knew this day was coming. In fact, He allowed it. He predestined it. He knew that in order for me and my husband to reach our fullest potential in Him it was going to require us to move from the comfortable to the uncomfortable. You know, instead of standing at the edge of the cliff and dangling one foot out over it, we were now actually being asked to jump off?!?! Comfortable to the uncomfortable. Although the news had shaken our world momentarily, we were not about to allow it to shake our faith. We both realize that, often times, when we don't take the "hint" to move forward, God shuts the door for us. Good looking out, God! I'm glad to serve a God who always has my best interest at heart.

Some of you may be where we are at this very moment. But I encourage you, take refuge in the One who has already provided the "safe haven" for you, the One who has already made a way where there seems to be no way. Remember, "greater is He that is in you, then he that is in the world." "If God be for you, then who can be against you?" No one! Man doesn't control your destiny; in fact, I will go as far as to say this, often times when men think they are about to demote you, God intervenes and uses them to launch you into greater opportunities and blessings, into a promotion. WOOT-WOOT. I'm sorry; I just had a moment. Seriously. We often "curse" man for what they have done (you know, messing up our plans) but instead we should say, "Thank you, because of what you've done or said I'm walking into a greater anointing and season of my life." It is that simple. Just do it. If that doesn't get you excited, then I don't know what to tell you. I mean the power of God is INCREDIBLE. We just need to change our perspective--our fleshly way of thinking--and accept that our thoughts are not His thoughts, and our ways are not His ways.

I will close with this: Galatians 6:9 (New Living Translation)
"So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."

Whatever situation you may be in, don't give up and don't give in. The battle is the Lord's!

By Grace Alone,

~Jenni~

Lean on ME!

2010-02-02T08:58:00.004-05:00

Can I just say that last week was a W-E-E-K in every sense of the word (I had to stretch out the word week, to elongate what it really was like for my family). It was trying, painful (at times), and exhausting. I typically have great weeks, but when things happen to the ones I love, I suffer too. It's about carrying each other's burdens. WHEW.

Trey and I began our devotional last night and as we entered into the next chapter entitled "parenting," we both looked at each other and basically thought (out loud), "lets skip this weeks and go to the next chapter." Can I just say that I am glad we didn't! It was timely and exactly what we needed to hear. Just like God!

I, typically, am not a worrier. When it comes to money, I can be, but when I realize that I am being a good steward of what He has entrusted me with then worry flies right out the window. I don't seem to have a problem casting my worries, cares, or fears. Who better to listen and handle the situation than God? Men fail, but God does not.

NOW, Back to last night's devotional. Let me sum it up in a nutshell: a little boy had wandered to the edge of a boat dock and had fallen into the water (first thing I thought was, "Where were his parents and why was he allowed to wander alone by water?"). When his parents heard the "splash," his dad bolted to the water and jumped in. As he swam to find his 3 year old son, fear gripping his heart, he was finally able to locate him. His son just so happened to be holding on to a pillar WHILE UNDER the water. His dad asked him, "Son, what are you doing?" The son replied, "Just waiting on you, dad?" On a side note, Trey and I both laughed out loud. I could picture the scene in my head. A sweet little 3 year old boy, with such innocence, was responding with such confidence and faith in his father. W-O-W!

Do you see where I am going with this?

How many times is our heavenly Father wanting to rescue us, but we fail to hold on and wait long enough for His embrace? We can easily look in ALL the wrong places for our answers. Christian or not, we are all still human. Maybe you allow the worry and fears of other people to grip you to the point where you are choking underneath the water. They are human, too. Sometimes you just have to ignore the negativity of people and hold on and wait until your Father comes to your rescue. How do you wait? Glad you asked. Pray without ceasing. Fast. Annoint your loved ones with oil. Plead the blood of Jesus over your situation. Get on your knees. BUT don't stop waiting for Him.

Just like the earthly father in this story, heart pounding and all, was determined to grab a hold of his son, how much more do you think the Lord is willing and waiting to do the same thing for you and me? If my memory serves me correct, God's love for us outweighs the love our own parents have for us or anyone else for that matter. So, why do we make it so diffiult? Why is it easier to love the tangible but not the intangible?

As I examine my ability to lean on Him, I pray that you are challenged by these questions.

JUST HOLD ON!

~Jenni-Shene~

Here it is...E2E!

2010-01-19T19:33:00.005-05:00

The BIG reveal..."Empowered to Empower!"

The end of last year God gave me a vision of what He wanted from me for 2010. Often times we find ourselves making New Year's Resolutions and they usually are all about, "ME, ME, ME, ME, ME." "I gotta hit the gym, I gotta make more time for me, I gotta do this or I gotta do that..." and it typically pertains to ourselves.

But, this year, I wanted my resolution to be different. Specifically, I felt that the LORD wanted my resolution to be about me investing in others. A transfer of power and discipline of sorts. You see, financial freedom is more than just some marketable slogan, it is biblical and empowering. So, that is why I believe God gave me "Empowered to Empower." Here we go...

I got addicted to couponing only after humbling myself. See, I always saw couponing as for the less fortunate, the poor, and the needy. Since I did not see myself in any of those terms, using coupons was mentally written off as time consuming and "below" me. But, through the pruning of the Holy Spirit, God convicted me into a life-altering realization: those who use coupons were the WISE ones and I was the fool. They are wives, home makers, business women, concerned mothers, prudent souls who see frugality as not just a hobby or financial enigma, but as a lifestyle.

The ultimate back-breaking straw for me is found in Matthew 25:15 “To one he gave five talents, to another, two, and to another, one, each according to his own ability..." Now, we are all most likely familiar with this parable...but have we ever picked up on the last few words in this verse? God has given to each of us according to our individual abilities! Let me expand this passage a little. Some of you may have heard of "talents" in this passage paralleling "talent" today ( i.e. musical, athletic, etc.). In the Greek, this term literally meant physical possession of financial value. These inidividuals were challenged to invest/spend their money wisely. It is from there that the story and its lesson progresses. God definitely wants us to levy all of our talents for His kingdom as well...but, in this case, let's focus on the financial lesson to be learned.

God knows what it is we can handle and when we can handle it. How do we expect God to entrust us with any more than we can currently bear if we bear it in a way that doesn't honor him? We can't! That is, we can not until we show ourselves approved of our present financial situation. Showing ourselves approved is not merely tithing or giving the occasional offering, although this is the first cobblestone along the journey to financial breakthrough. Our financial well being is a wholistic approach rooted in the very mind of God and His Word.

My husband and I have come a long way over the last year, but I felt the nudge of God on this other issue: grocery shopping. And so, He birthed this idea out of me to share the passion that He has developed in me over the last few months. E2E will be a time of sharing, fellowship, laughter and maybe even some crying ;)! Ultimately, I desire for this group to be a haven for women who want more out of their finances. With God as the nucleus, I foresee this coupon club becoming more than a Friday or Saturday outing! I genuinely want those who attend to leave with a new perspective and a fresh outlook on their own ability and the "talents" God has given them.

This is my prophetic decree over you...
"Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the Lord your God will set you high above all nations above the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God: Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country. Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks. Blessed shall you be when you come in and blessed shall you be when you go out!"
"The Lord will open to you His good treasure, the heavens, to give the rain to your land in its season, and to bless ALL the work of your hand. You shall lend to many nations but you shall not borrow. And the Lord will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you today, and are careful to observe them."

Deuteronomy 28:1-6 & 28:12-13

In Him,
~Jenni-Lynn~

P.S. I still have a special testimonial to share with you...so just keep checkin' in!

Crime Scene Investigation...

2010-01-07T16:19:00.004-05:00

This was the crime scene that Trey and I came home to this afternoon...

Detectives Shennie Shen and Jenni-Lynn were at first significantly perplexed by their findings.

You see, the crate began the day in the corner, flush with the wall...and the ironing board was standing behind it, wedged between it and the wall and the washing machine. The obvious culprit was our 4 pound Shih Tzu (Nala); yet, she was no where on the scene. Both detectives searched the laundry room, high and low, finding no Nala. With sunken hearts and on the verge of hanging caution tape and calling in the homicide team, here came Nala from the other side of the house with a "what's up mom and dad?" smirk on her face. We scanned the house to find two locations of restroom usage and several things not where we left them, but other than that, we guess she played queen for the day.

The weird question was, how did she escape exactly? In my best Sherlock Holmes interpretation, she must have shimmied up the ironing board to its highest point, scaled to the top of the crate, and then leapt to the lip of the baby gate, plummeting to the other side. I checked for injuries and found none. These two gumshoes have been duped by an 11 week old puppy.

We're just glad she is OK and will obviously have to rethink the laundry room kenneling as an option.

Rite Aid...R-O-C-K-S!!!

2010-01-03T21:01:00.005-05:00

I had such a pleasant experience shopping at Rite Aid over the past couple of days and this is why....

I know what you are thinking...what's up with ALL the maxi pads??? Well, they were FREE! lol
This is what I bought:
(1) Oral B Cross Action Power Toothbrush=FREE (after single rebate checks)
(1) Kotex Maxi Pads= .99
(8) StayFree Maxi Pads= FREE
(8) Nivea Lip Care= FREE
(4) 4-packs GE Light bulbs=FREE (after single rebate checks)
(1) Carmex= .99
(1) Listerine Vanilla Mint Mouthwash= made .50
(1) Tylenol Cold & Flu= $2.99 (after single rebate checks)
(1) Tylenol 8 hour= $1.99 (after single rebate checks)
(2) Loreal Facial Cleanser= $2.19 each
(1) Lipgloss= $1.99
(1) Eye liner= .59
(2) Nutra Nail Max Strengthener= $1.99
(2) Neosporin w/ cream and 3 band aids in each box= $3.99 for both
(2) boxes of Band aids (sheer)= $1.69

WHEW...I think I got everything! What I should have spent before store specials and coupons...$199.41. I know you are probably thinking, "that's INSANE!" It is. I would NEVER spend that kind of money at Rite Aid, Walgreens or even CVS. But the beauty of it all... is that I didn't; in fact, I paid no where near that amount..By the way, that should just show you how expensive places like this are....BUT with coupons, anything is possible! ;) Isn't that in Scripture somewhere?!?!?!

Now for the moment you have all been waiting for...the total!

I spent $17.90 :) FABULOUS. I KNOW.

Also, Rite Aid is hosting the game of LIFE...You all remeber the board game, right?!?!? I LOVE it! It is basically like Monoply at McDonald's...you buy products that are marked with a Life game piece in the ad and you collect them to win! FUN stuff.

With ALL that being said...I will be starting a "Coupon Club" in the very near future. I will post more details in my next blog...so stay tuned! God has really given me a vision of some things I would like to see happen in the lives of the women around me, and I would love for you to be a part of it! So, you will not want to miss my next blog. I will have a guest blogger who will impart to you all an incredible testimony of some serious discipline and God's favor. Ha! That's all I am going to say about that!

I hope you were inspired and most of all intrigued by this blog. I will close with this...

E2E

This is my New Year's Resolution! ( I will explain what E2E means in my next blog)...I know. So suspenseful. But It will be well worth the wait! (Well, atleast I think so) ;)

In Him,

~Jenni-Lynn~

Gotta love a deal...

2009-12-13T18:39:00.003-05:00

Coupons, Coupons and more Coupons...or should I say,

SAVINGS, SAVINGS, and MORE SAVINGS!

I LOVE coupons and have used them in the past, but thanks to my sister-in-law, I am a little bit more savvy thanks to her and http://www.southernsavers.com/. There are misconceptions out there about coupons but I am here to tell you that they are not true. You can use coupons on HEALTHY items!!!

Trey and I try to be good stewards of the resources that God has entrusted to us and we try to practice this in every area of our lives, including grocery shopping. It is a shame to think that people spend lots of money on groceries. That, quite honestly, is not necessary. All it takes is a little time and effort and you could be saving your family thousands of dollars a year, SERIOUSLY. I hope that what I break down for you will help you see grocery shopping in a new light...If you are interested in learning more I am thinking about starting a coupon club...Sounds silly, I know, but I think it would be a lot of fun to have ladies get together for a night or two a month to chat and cut coupons. There is always swapping coupons, too!!!

Ok. So grocery break down time:

(2) Dove deodorants= FREE

(2) Glade candles (The fragrance collection)= they owed me $3.50

(1) Scotties box of tissues= FREE

(1) Colgate toothbrush=FREE

(2) bottles of Infusim Shampoo/Conditioner= $1.99 for both

(2) Fresh Express bagged salads= .95 each

(1) 55 ct. Force Flex tall kitchen bags= $4.49

(2) Green Valley Fresh Steamers (veggies)= .39 each

(1) Land of Lakes butter LIGHT= .89

(2) Wishbone Salad Dressings= .60 each

(2) Digorno 200 Calorie Pizza's= $1.99 each

(1) Revlon eye shadow= $1.99

(1) Tylenol Cold-Day time= .99

(1) Tylenol Cold-Night time= .99

(2) boxes (20 ct.) of Herbal Tea= .80 each

(1) Glade Plug-in Nightlight Warmer= FREE

(1) Robitussin Cough Syrup= $2.99

(2) Glade Oil Refills= $2.99 for both

(4) 2 liters of soda= .79 each

(1) paper= $1.87

(1) box of Dream Pasta= they owed me .09

(1) Blue Bonnet Margarine sticks= .69

I think I got everything on here...

My total was $120.12...I paid $27.37 before taxes!!! YOU SEE, COUPONS ARE SOOOOO WORTH IT! I hope you were inspired to jump on the coupon bandwagon :)

Merry Christmas,

~Jenni~

10 months, today! 12-7-09

2009-12-07T15:18:00.000-05:00

Trey and I are celebrating 10 months today! These last 10 months have been filled with plenty of ups and downs for being newlyweds. I feel like we have encountered in 10 months what others would take 5 years to go through, but we realize that it's by the grace of God we stand here today; our feet placed on a solid Rock. We are stronger now than we have ever been!!! I truly believe that Satan saw a glimpse of our future and decided he was going to leave his mark early on, but he didn't win nor will he EVER!!! We rely on God daily for the needs of our relationship and strive to put Him first always. We know that when our source of life comes from Him first, the real demonstration of love can flow down to each other and saturate our hearts.
This 10 month anniversary was unlike any other. My husband's creativity is remarkable and I LOVE IT! He welcomed me at lunch today with a gift bag filled with goodies...each gift was symbolic of things that made him think of me...ARE YOU READY?!?!?!

Roses: my beauty
Mountain Dew (diet): my energy
M&M's: my sweet spirit
Faith Hill CD: I'm his song
Madea Goes to Jail DVD: my beautiful smile
Candle: my lovely fragrance
Body Wash: my desire to please him
PJ's: my ability to make him comfortable
Starbucks gift card: my favorite coffee place
Picture Frame: the rest of our lives together after our 1st Christmas

SPEECHLESS, was I!!! He never ceases to amaze me. I'm a blessed wife!!!
Thought I would just brag a bit ;)

Pictures to come :)

Today was the day...

2009-11-30T14:57:00.004-05:00

I'm overcome with emotions as I ponder what these last 9 months could have brought me.

Today was the day that Trey and I were supposed to have a healthy baby (girl), but for whatever reason the joy of bearing a child did not come to pass for us this time. And, the truth is I still don't "feel" any better. I realize one day God will give Trey and I a healthy baby, but at this moment, no other baby will replace my first.
For those of you ladies who have miscarried, I am sure you can relate. It seems like every woman you know gets pregnant when you have lost one. I can tell you I have already gone before God on that one. He has already responded to me too. He never ceases to amaze me. I don't want you to think for one minute that I am not excited for those in my life who are pregnant; I am. It just can get a little overwhelming when I think about "what could have been."
There are no words that can express the heartache that resonates throughout my body. There are no words that can be spoken to alleviate the pain. The truth is that if you say it, I have already thought it.
I have a million thoughts running through my head, and I often think about the events that took place during the week that the doctors think I miscarried. I think about God's hand of provision & protection, and particularly the staff meeting that replaced my original doctor's appointment in which I would have heard the heartbeat.

I can assure you that I will be one momma-to-be who does not complain about the "little" things during my next pregnancy. The reason being, it's those little things that lets you know there is a healthy, growing baby inside of you. I can handle the sickness, the weight gain and the swollen "body parts"...in the end it's all worth it!

The next go around for Trey and I will be alot different from our first "announcement." There are just some things that will remain silent until the proper time.

Thanks for allowing me to express myself...I often find this is the easiest way for me to do so!

To my angel: I love you more than you will every know!

In Him,
~Jenni~

Life and Death...

2009-11-19T08:37:00.003-05:00

is in the power of the tongue...Proverbs 18:21

Trey has been teaching through the book of James on Wednesday nights. Last night we had an incredible service and the Holy Spirit shook me back into the realization of who it is I am in Him and what it is He has called me to. The end of the service closed like this: Trey called me and another woman up to the front and we got on our knees. Women surrounded us and began to pray by the power of the Holy Spirit. I had many prophetic words spoken over me during that prayer time. "You endured something at a young age that you should have never had to deal with, you carried the "load," you carried shame and guilt, you were oppressed...but it wasn't your fault!" None of these women know my story or what I have been through; the Lord just moved in His power to have these ladies speak the words I needed to hear.
Another lady that was praying over me said that she could see that I was holding onto something--something small like a teddy bear or cat--refusing to let it go and cradling it with all the love I have. At the same time, God was holding me and cradling me so that I could know that He loves me and has as an ultimate plan for my life. My husband had the same vision during this time of prayer and he said that I was holding a child. Trey said that it was me reunited with our little girl--loving and embracing her like only a momma can. Many of you know about the tough year Trey and I have had, so this time of prayer truly touched me in my core and reminded me of the great love that God has for me.

Moving forward: I have had to reprogram my brain to think differently about myself and who I am. If you have ever been around someone who has constantly brought you down, then you too know that it is hard to change your thought pattern after someone has spoken ill over you. Even though some would say I didn't have a "bad" childhood, in many ways, I did. Giving monetarily doesn't replace emotional and mental neglect. At least by my standards it doesn't. True love is not giving of things, resources or money; it is giving of yourself. But if people don't love themselves then they can't give of themselves because they have nothing to give. As a result, children are neglected (emotionally and mentally) because they lack what they really need, LOVE. If there is no love to give then there will be no words of L.I.F.E. spoken over them. There will only be words of discouragement and failure. On the flip side, words of love that have not been spoken are just as painful. I once had a loved one tell me, "I didn't know how to love you." WOW. Can you imagine?
I honestly don't know why or how I am able to love like I do. Wait a minute. I do. JESUS! He is my reason and answer for everything. If we do not have love, we do not have Jesus--Jesus is love.

I will close with this...often times we have the capability of thinking before we speak. I want us to really check ourselves before we speak, especially to a loved one. We don't know what kind of effect that word will have on that person. So choose this day to speak L.I.F.E. This is truly the issue in our society: we can't love our neighbor as ourselves because we don't love ourselves. We don't love ourselves because we have never met the ultimate Lover.

His love never fails!

In Christ's Love,

~Jenni~

In all your getting...get understanding!

2009-10-29T09:43:00.004-04:00

Proverbs 4: 4-7 (New American Standard Bible) Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. 6"Do not forsake her, and she will guard you; Love her, and she will watch over you. 7"The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding.

This blog is stemming from some theological questions that I have been asking both myself and the Lord for some time now. I graduated from Trinity International University in May of 2008. All through college, I never received full clarification on certain doctrinal issues. I know now that was because the answers had to come from my own understanding of God's Word and what He had to say. I was taught from many different theological backgrounds, which I loved! But, of course, these individuals were instructed to teach the Word with out any "strings attached." YEAH RIGHT! I did not take their perspectives personally, nor did I feel violated or swayed to understand it "this way." But, as I get older, and hopefully wiser, God is beginning to show me things in a different light.

When I met my husband, I quickly realized that we were raised on opposite ends of the spectrum. One thing we did have in common, though, was that we were saved and we both loved Jesus with all of our hearts. Looking back now, I marvel at the sovereignty of God and how what appeared to be a set back was only a launching pad for the work that was about to take place in my life and in my husband's.

Hold on. I am going somewhere, I promise.

My husband is very theologically-minded, very reformed, to the point, that he would say he is "Calvinist" to an extent. UGH! Bothered me, GREATLY. Of course, I know what he meant and I knew that he was still a Christian. He just "sided" with a certain set of beliefs. I respect that. He isn't your average Christian who just walks around professing to be one; he really has a hold on the deeper things of God's Word. So, when we met, me being a- "Charismatic-Armenian" and he being a "Reformed-Calvinist", it made for a lot of interesting discussions to say the least. But, out of all those discussions and challenges it has brought me to where I am today and I am sure my husband would say the same.

The biggest issue an Armenian and Calvinist would debate is Free Will. Over time, my mindset has always been "FREE-WILL," ALL the way. Well, God began to really challenge me, along with my husband. This week was an emotional week to say the least. For those of you who know my story, you then know that my mother was in prison for five years. During that time, I chose to stay home and look after my two younger brothers. Those years of babysitting were about to become my reality on a daily basis, for the next five years or so. I was now going to assist my step-father in raising a 10 year old and a 13 year old. Mind you, I was19 and ready to leave for college. Not so. But that was OK. I felt "privileged" in a way. I was filling in the "gap." Although, I did not replace my mom ( I did not desire to do so), it was time for me to be the BIG SISTER. It was not easy and a lot occurred in the first year my mom was away. A LOT.

Getting closer to my point.

I grew up in a "torn" family. My parents divorced when I was 3, I think. I grew up with step-parents and half-brothers, which was fine. I love them all dearly. Do I agree with the choices they have made, NO--which leads me to my point. Us, "free will" people, will argue up and down, that we have a choice in the matter. You know, the choice of salvation. I would even argue it, imagine that. My argument: If God was so loving and he sent Jesus to die for people then how can your theory of election hold true? I think about John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." The part that says, "whoever believes in him..." it sounds like we have a choice in the matter, right?If you read down to John 3:19-20 it says, 'This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20) Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will NOT come into the light for fear his deeds will be exposed." This one verse can completely dispute and throw out the theory that we choose Jesus. WE DON'T. We were born into sin and as a result we are evil. It takes the prompting and leading of the Holy Spirit to penetrate to the very depths of our soul to change us. Evil does not come out during the day time, it comes out in the night. Why? Because it does not want to expose its filth or wickedness.

Following me?

Well, as I am now an "outsider" looking in when it comes to my family, my theology has changed. When I look at my family and the choices they currently are making I can't help to think, how in the world did I come to a place (since I was 12) loving Jesus and working in ministry? How did I come out of all that "stuff" and become somewhat "normal"? Well, the truth is, God chose me, He set me apart. I should have fallen off the "band-wagon" along time ago. If you have ever endured trials then I am sure you can relate.
Part of me rejoices, while the other part of me mourns. I love every single one of my family members and it pains me to think that they are so entangled in their own sin that they might never see the Light. Read the verses above again. There is no one who professes to love Jesus, who has Him in their hearts and then begins living a lifestyle that would not back their beliefs. It can't happen. The Holy Spirit does not allow nor does He "entertain" evil. That is why a Christian can not be possessed by a demon, but he can be oppressed.

I want to be careful about what I am conveying without sounding judgemental but the Word says it in Matthew 7:16, "By their fruit you will recognize them..."

Going back to this week being emotional and heavy... My husband and I were outside grilling on our patio when we saw some disturbing stuff on one of my family members' facebook page. I am not friends with this family member on facebook, but I have access to view their page because it is not completely restricted from me. Tears began to swell up in my eyes. My husband was there to bring comfort and to remind me of God's Word. Part of me got angry because this person professed to be a Christian but yet was living a lifestyle that completely contradicted God's Word. In fact, God condemns this sort of action and this person knows it. "Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will NOT come into the light for fear his deeds will be exposed." Which tells me there has got to be a supernatural drawing of purity by someone who has always been and always will be pure. The Light. The Savior. The Redeemer. Jesus!

I often would ponder why I never had a "solid" relationship with certain family members, especially since it is such a strong desire from within to have a united and close family. Could it be that the Light "blinds" them and causes them to run which in return leaves me feeling rejected? I have my theories, but I won't bore you with them.

I could go on and on...but I won't; I'm almost through!

We, as Christians, often come across as if we did something different than non-believers-- that's why we have Jesus. No, we didn't. We are just as sinful as they are. God just so happened to choose us from the foundations of the world, called us out of darkness into His marvelous light. For that, you should get on your knee's before the King of Kings and Lord of Lord's and say thank you. Furthermore, honor Him with your life!

The point of this blog was not to sway your theological mindset but to cause you to humble yourself under the mighty hand of God. To get yourself out of the equation and realize that it is God who calls us, we don't do the calling. When we live in sin, God is the farthest from our mind, informing me that I have no idea what the "heavenly hotline number" really is. At the end of the day, Matthew 7 teaches us that many will say "Lord Lord" claiming to "know" God. But the real question is, not whether or not you know God, but if God knows you?

I hope this has challenged you and caused you to see salvation from a different theological stand point.

I'll leave you with this.
Reflect back on your life. Examine the days you lived like a "wild & crazy" person (literally) and think about the mess you were in. Did it ever cross your mind, when you were in the midst of the world, to wake up one morning and say, "I need Jesus?" Chances are probably not.

By Grace Alone,
~Jenni~

P.S. My husband and I are now "Reformed-Charismatics". In other words, we have the best of both worlds-- we've got the Spirit and The Truth... :)

"Dare to be YOURSELF"

2009-10-19T15:34:00.002-04:00

Every one of us shall give an account of himself to God.

Romans 14:12

Boldness is required if you're ever to be led by God! Why? Because He may direct you to do things that others don't understand or agree with. Insecure people tend to feel safer doing what others do. They're fearful of breaking the mold or standing alone. Anytime you step outside the boundaries of what others think is wise or proper, you risk rejection. But you mustn't allow that to keep you from fulfilling your God-given purpose.

Confronting criticism becomes a little easier when you remember that ultimately "every one of us shall give an account of himself to God." Sure it hurts to be criticized, but if you're to succeed at anything you must have the same attitude Paul had. Listen: "I am not the least concerned with the fact that you are deciding what is right and what is wrong with me...Neither you nor anyone else can put me down unless I first put myself down (and I'm not doing that)...though I don't know of anything against me, my ignorance doesn't mean that I am correct in my appraisal, because the final evaluation is in God's hands" (1 Co 4:3-4 Ben Campbell-Johnston para).

Secure people can handle being the only ones doing something. They can also allow others that same choice, because they know we have been called to accept one another-not analyze and categorize one another! Please don't grow old and feel like somewhere along the way you lost yourself, and never succeeded at being who God called you to be.

I have never had a problem with being bold. I've never had an issue with "standing out" because quite frankly, I do. I was born with a birth defect that could have hindered me in unbelievable ways (and in some cases did growing up), but instead I chose to stand out 1) because I love Jesus and 2) I have no problem witnessing to others about Him. Many of you are "perfect" in the physical sense, but when it comes to Jesus you hide behind a rock. Why? I often wonder why our country is in the mess it's in and why Christians think they have to ask permission to allow prayer amongst a gathering of unbelievers because we don't want to offend anyone. If I remember correctly, this country-the United States of America, was founded on Christian principles and beliefs. Don't ask permission.

It blows my mind to think that we (Christians) aren't operating under the power of the Holy Spirit. It makes me sad to think that there are many churches (Christian) in our nation that fail to emphasize the indwelling and power of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is who gives us power, yet we deny his operable presence in our lives. Many people often criticize the Charismatic "movement" or the Pentecostal church because it operates under the power and unction of the Holy Spirit. People typically say, "they're too emotional..." Be careful about judging one of God's children. Can I be honest for a minute? Thanks. I see God moving more in churches where the Holy Spirit is welcomed then those who deny or fail to talk about the power of the Holy Spirit. Now, don't get me wrong, He is there but that's it. There is no power being released...captives are not being set free, the sick are not being healed (Yep, I said it HEALED-God still heals today!) Demonic oppression still rest among the weary (Yep, I said it demons...)

Coming from a Charismatic Church I have seen a lot. It was all good, of course. But I have also been on the other side where I have been "trapped" in certain denominations where you don't dare mention the Holy Spirit, raise your hand during worship, speak in tongues (Yep, I said it...it did not cease at Pentecost people!) etc...

Men who walked with Jesus didn't care about what others thought and because of it many suffered brutally. Is that it...are we afraid to "suffer" for the name of Jesus? Ummm.....Matthew 16: 24-25 (Jesus was speaking here) "If anyone of you would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25) For whoever loses his life for me will find it."

I'll just let you ponder the above. Enough said.

We live in a free country, yet when it comes to Christianity, as a whole, we live "behind bars." I don't know about you, but I don't want to be that type of Christian. Do you realize that one day we will give an account to God of what we did with our resources and talents here on Earth? I don't want God to look at me and say, "you have failed to walk out the Great Commission."

You might ask, "well I just can't do that." Yes, you can it is a choice. Choose this day whom you will serve....***Please don't think that all of this has anything to do with your salvation because it doesn't. There is just more to it than being saved and "barely" getting into heaven. God wants to use us to bring honor and glory to His name. He wants to use us to bring change but that can't happen if we are paraylzed in fear. There are tons of people who need to hear THE TRUTH. When will we step out and be RADICAL for Jesus?

Radical Islam is growing at an enormous rate...it's scary! The reason being, they aren't ashamed to ACT on what they believe.

I will close with this. Why in our own faith (Christianity) are we so divided? God never intended for their to be religion. He wanted FREEDOM! So why have we divided Him?

In Him,

~Jenni~

"Challenged to Change"

2009-10-15T08:14:00.003-04:00

Well, it has been over 2 months since I have posted a blog...I have written (1) but as you can see it didn't get "published."

Have you ever been so paralyzed with fear that you withhold speaking or writing your thoughts? Typically, I consider myself to be a very strong, bold & courageous person. But lately, my spirit has been weakened. Why? Well, because I have chosen to allow the Devil to use the words of others to penetrate to my soul. Therefore, I have taken a step back from writing anything that the Lord has impressed upon my heart to write.
But, the other day I was doing a devotion and came across this statement, "when you live for other people's approval, you risk forfeiting God's!"
I have had some pretty hurtful things said about me over the last several months by people who love me. And honestly, when I think about love, I think about this, "kind words, caring heart, gentle spirit, goodness, mercy, grace etc..."

I have asked the Lord to help me maintain my composure when I am in the presence of those who have spoken ill of me but recently, I messed up.
I really did not give this person the time of day and I'll admit it. I even apologized to this person because the truth is that's not who I want to be. I want to get to the place where I can love on that person(s) and even when I am struggling with what they have said about me. My husband, bless his heart, is a true example of this. He was deeply hurt by the actions of someone who loves him as well. When my husband told me the situation, I was boiling inside. I wanted to call that person and chew them out up and down, left to right. You feel me? My husband, in a nutshell, basically agreed that the person had obviously "made their way known and that's ok... to lash out at them would be exactly what the Devil wants and I refuse to go there." My husband can tell you that he has not ever been much of a defender. Well, before Jesus he was a fighter, but now he just "takes it." I'm not there yet, but I know with a godly husband whose strengths are my weaknesses; I will get there soon!

God is the one who heals our hearts, not man. The Lord really spoke to my heart and said, "True forgiveness comes when you can look that person in the face and say I forgive you even if they deny all they said about you and fail to apologize. My daughter that is true forgiveness!" I was like WHOA! Typically, when God speaks, I listen and act. Because there is no greater feeling than to be obedient and at the center of God's will. The image He showed me was of Jesus hanging on that cross: beaten, bruised, and tormented all for me and you. Folks, this was before we even existed! WOW. So if that sort of radical forgiveness is what provides us eternal life, should we not also do our best to embody forgiveness in our own lives?

Let me just say how good God is...Trey and I were given a devotion to do together entitled Nightlight; it was a wedding present. We have really enjoyed diving into it and a lot of good has come of it. Well, the week we were dealing with some outside issues about forgiveness and how it was affecting our marriage, we were on "How Do We Forgive?" Now, granted this is a book solely about the husband and wife, but there were critical points in it that we applied to others in our lives as well. So, it was God's way of showing Trey and I both, that we need to forgive those who have wronged us no matter what they fail to say in return.The forgiveness began with Trey and I first, and through a restored passion and renewal for our call of ministry and purpose together, we will now be able to forgive those around us as well.
It was awesome! It is so encouraging to know that God sees it all. To know that He is the final judge is good enough for me. I can rest knowing that I have released forgiveness to those who have wronged me. My next step, to face those who have wronged me and to let them know I forgive them! I get excited just thinking about it. You know you have climbed up another rung on the ladder of maturity in Him when you can say I am excited to forgive!!!! It's my heart's desire to please the Lord, and if that means dying to the flesh, then I will be glad to do it. I just don't want to stand in front of God one day with unforgiveness in my heart towards someone else. If we expect forgiveness from God then we ourselves have to be willing to forgive others.

My challenge to you would be this, your love for the Lord should empower you to release forgiveness to those who have wronged you and to seek forgiveness from those you have wronged!
Try it. Don't block God's blessing in your life because you are too stubborn to forgive!

Until next time....(hopefully, not 2 months from now!) ;)

~Jenni~

Faith vs. Fear

2009-08-02T20:16:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, my husband and I were out and about and I approached him about something...In a nutshell, I told him I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to ask him about giving God more of our money. We have prayed daily about the growth of our business and for the people in it. We've already taken in a profit just in the first month. That being said, we know that we are blessed to be a blessing. I truly believe that we have what we have today because we understand the importance of giving. We know who our Provider is and we are confident that His Word is true. "... Yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their seed begging bread." Psalm 37:25

We have a house that most 26 year old's dream of when they purchase their first home...We are debt free with the exception of 1 car and our mortgage. We do what we can to take care of others. We are in a good place! And it is not because of anything we have done. I don't say all these things to boast, but I say them because, as Christians, we shouldn't withhold the blessing.

Going back to the above. Today's message at church was about giving. It bothers me when people say I can't give because I can't afford to. Truthfully, you can't afford not to. If we can trust God with our spouse, our children, our friends etc...then why can't we trust him with our finances. The message today was confirmation that we need to do what the Holy Spirit impressed upon us to do.
It is in times like the current economic crises that believers should be looking for ways to live 'recession proof,' a phrase coined by one of the great financial adviser's today, Dave Ramsey. The first step in pursuing a 'recession proof' lifestyle is to give...and that means different things for different people. Giving comes as an overflow of the heart. So, the percentage of what you give is not the focus, the attitude behind your giving is. I encourage you to be faithful in the little and watch how good God is in the much.

The most prevalent commandment in Scripture is to "fear not." We cannot be scared of sowing financial seeds into God's kingdom, because He desires to use those seeds to reap a harvest in and around us.

I pray that as Christians we would be consumed with faith, not fear. I truly believe that in these last days, in the midst of an uncertain government, economy & health care issues, God has us covered. I pray that we would find comfort in the One who is our provider, our Jehovah Jirah.
Remember that what we do have is already God's, we are just called to be faithful stewards!

I hope this challenges you, just like it has Trey and I.

Blessings,
~Jenni~

P.S. You will notice that I actually wrote this blog last weekend but didn't finish it....so I saved it and finished it tonight!

By Faith...

2009-07-23T15:49:00.004-04:00

So, my husband and I were doing our devotion's and we were in the book of Hebrews, chapter 11...The Hall of Fame of Faith!

As I was reading aloud, the Lord just bombarded me with all sorts of thoughts. I just hope I can recall them all at this moment. I know, that's what I get for not writing them down...

As many of you know, Trey and I have ventured out into the MLM business. A business that has already shown itself to be effective. But, more importantly, it required us to have faith. We saw the numbers, we saw the opportunity, we prayed and off we went! It has definitely grown to the point where in 11 days we are just about to pay off our product.

We have seen some who are so amped up while others are a little wishy-washy. Facebook launched a game called RAD which represents the product-Efusjon. Apparently, this is where the confusion set in...some thought, that now that it has hit facebook, they can just sit back and make money. Truthfully, these kinds of mindsets get you no where. Once again, SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE GET TO BE SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE THEY WORK HARD!

I guess this is coming from someone who understands that you have to work hard in order to see your harvest. I have learned to be content in whatever situation I've encountered. My friends, I know what it is to literally have nothing. I know what it means to have everything ripped right out from underneath me and to walk into a bank with $80.00 at the age of 19.
For those of you who know my past, you know that my family lost everything and then some. So maybe that's what makes my mindset different from others--where I am today hasn't been handed to me. I've worked hard and I've established what I have today. Excuse me, it was by the grace of God that I am where I am today. Thank you Jesus-for loving and caring for me enough that You've always provided!

Have you ever wondered what sets the go-getter and weary apart or the successful and unsuccessful apart? Could it be that the go-getter doesn't see what presently is and the weary does...Or could it be the motive/intention of the heart? If you read my post, "The Power of Persistent Prayer" then you would have come across James 4:3. It's a good verse, read it sometime!
Let me squeeze this in, "Faith without works is dead." You can have faith in something but if you don't actively pursue it then it's useless. If you have faith and you're praying, but your prayer's are for your own selfish gain, then that isn't effective either.

By faith, Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son in his known circumstances, understanding that God would bless him in his unknown future. Look at all of the unknown's he faced yet he continued to ascend up the mountain, not descend. Allow Abraham's life to encourage you and to help you remember that "ALL things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes." Romans 8:28

I will close with this verse:
Galatians 6:9-The Message
"So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith."

In Him,
~Jenni~

Skeptic of all Skeptics...

2009-07-20T09:17:00.004-04:00

I'd like to think of myself as a person who really examines both sides of the coin before I venture out into the "unknown." I go to the Lord in everything before I make big decisions, but sometimes I wonder if God requires us to step out in faith FIRST in order for Him to move. We are to walk by faith not by sight!
With that being said...My husband dove into a business opportunity that personally could change our lives. Now, remember, I am a skeptic about opportunities like this and really like my money where it is. But truthfully, financial increase sometimes requires us to sacrifice in the beginning before we ever see the harvest.
I was not completely in agreement with my husband but I knew that whatever decision was made in the end would need to be made by him. As a result, I was not in agreement with him, but I knew the Lord would still honor me and protect me IF I honored and supported my husband. So my prayer became, "Lord protect us and if this is something that could bring honor and glory to your name then give me peace which surpasses all understanding!"
For the last 7 days my husband and I have prayed every night for the expansion of this business and in the last 7 days we have had 9 people join. Coincidence, I don't think so!
The Lord is showing me that it is easy to trust in the existing, but true faith lies when we step into something we can't see. After all, isn't that what Christianity and being a believer is all about?
My blog today is not to persuade you or coerce you into joining Efusjon. I would ask that you inquire about it and then go to the Lord in prayer with your spouse. I believe that there is power when a couple, or two or more, go to the Lord in prayer. It's evident in our lives today!

I realize the stock market has failed many who have trusted in it. My father-in-law lost a significant portion of his retirement via the stock market in the last year. In spite of that, he's believing by faith that Efusjon is more than a stimulus package or a part-time job. He genuinely believes that he will recoup his lost money and then some, enabling him to still retire at 55. (He is 53 today.)
Trey and I have dreams of significantly expanding the kingdom of God. We believe this could be the avenue to get us there.

Do you have a dream or have your dreams been squashed out by the circumstances surrounding you? I encourage you to step out in faith and make a small investment--an investment that eventually could bring about a life changing result.

Matthew 17:20- New International Version
"He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

With God ALL things are possible. It's time that Christian's rise in the business arena and let the world look at us, so that we can turn around and show them God! In the end, it is all about expanding the kingdom, we are just being faithful stewards of what is already God's!

Proverbs 13:22-New Living Translation
"Good people leave an inheritance to their grandchildren, but the sinner’s wealth passes to the godly."

Check out the following:
www.freeus.ws/efusjonvideo2
http://www.efusjonse.blogspot.com/

or you can search for Derek Broes on YouTube.

If you would like more information please call me.
404-451-9097 (H)

Thank you for your time.

In Him,
Jenni

P.S. If you have read this far then this should intrigue you....The founder of Efusjon is a CHRISTIAN-so that should tell you where this business is headed! Rob Towles-founder of Efusjon

"Persistent Prayer"

2009-07-15T10:50:00.002-04:00

Sorry, for the delay in writing...Trey and I have been on vacation for quite some time! BUT, I'm glad to be home and back at it....So here I go!

Today's blog is going to come from I Samuel 1....

As I began to read, the Lord really impressed upon my heart the POWER of PERSISTENT PRAYER! I will use Hannah as the perfect example of what it means to press through in prayer.
Hannah was married to Elkanah who was also married to Peninnah.
At this point in the story, Hannah was without child and Peninnah had many. Peninnah, I believe, made daily attempts to remind Hannah of what she did not have.
WOW, I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been for Hannah. Yet, I see no retaliation on Hannah's part. I must add, in this particular situation, I don't think I could hold back like Hannah did. GO GIRL is all I can say.
Moving forward... Here's where persistent prayer comes into play. Instead of retaliating, Hannah got on her knees and prayed DILIGENTLY. I am reminded of this verse in James 5: 16b "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." Because of Hannah's inward position before God, her prayers were both powerful and effective.
But more importantly, I am reminded of this verse... James 4:3 "When you ask (pray), you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
SHOCKING, I know...Do I believe that God does not give us some of the things we want? No, of course he does. The point here is that what we desire may not offer anything to us spiritually. Until our desires for us are God's desires for us, our prayers are not the prayers of a righteous man. I believe that with every blessing God gives us comes growth. God will never give us something that we are not mature enough to handle or that is not in line with his plan for us because we will blow it on our own selfish pleasures.

Going back to Hannah.

She desired a child badly to the point where she was communicating intently with God and was accused of being drunk. How many of us pray to the point that we are praying under the power of the Holy Spirit? Persistent prayer led to breakthrough. Hannah even goes a step further-- this is where many of us stop--offering to use the blessing (a son) for God's glory. This is what separates our prayers from Hannah's. She desired a child so much that giving him back to the Lord was ok. She just wanted the blessing of bearing and caring for a child of her own. Hannah's motives were pure and sincere and it was to benefit the work of God's kingdom.

So I encourage you today to pray without ceasing and pray that what you desire would be beneficial for the kingdom of God. I believe with every blessing, we have the opportunity to glorify and bring honor to the kingdom of God.

Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

In Him,
~Jenni~

Christ's challenge to us....

2009-06-29T10:05:00.000-04:00

As a church body, we have been diving into a series entitled "Go....Grow....Reproduce." I love the idea that my church is all about making disciples and sending them out. They definitely are about replicating the 1st century church! Unfortunately, most of the modern day church has tucked away the sending nature of God time capsule style, thinking that maybe one of the succeeding generations might uncover it one day and be reminded of how church used to be.

Moving forward. My pastor really did an incredible job relaying the message of growing as Christians and what it takes on our part, CHANGE. The road to progress is paved with change. I know it is a small word but quite intimidating to say the least.

He made the following statement: "Christ is asking that we follow Him." Apparently the word "follow" in the Greek means "to cling." Think about the picture here.... and how differently it feels to "cling" to something, rather than to simply "follow" something.

If Christ's desire for us is to cling to Him with every ounce of life, then why is it not good enough just to follow?
1 Peter 2:2-3 "Like newborn babies, crave spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."
Lets break this down for a minute....
1) Remember the time when you first became saved??? We were all on fire for God, right??? Definitely. It was a "new experience" that caused us to want/crave change and more of God....
2) Key word-- GROW UP in your salvation. These verses imply that spiritual milk is only sufficient for a time, not forever.
3) Once you are able to "taste" the goodness of God, there should be a desire within to strive for what's better, what's more perfect, the things and plans of God!

I say all that to say this. In order to do away with spiritual milk, an inward and an outward change must take place. If you desire to eat of the "meat" then it is going to require CHANGE. I personally do not feel that a person can grow spiritually without first changing inwardly. The inward then results in the outward. Once you have made a change, inwardly and outwardly, then you can find yourself leading towards growth...Spiritual growth. If, of course, that's the path you have chosen to seek after.

I feel like the following verse can piggy-back on what I am trying to say.
1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

Even as we grow into maturity considering our physical bodies, we don't do certain things that we did in the past because we've matured, developed and grown.

So I guess our challenge would be this...Are we desperate enough to cling to Christ by being willing to change inwardly and outwardly? Calcium is good for a while, but at some point you get a hankering for steak.

I hope this encourages you but most importantly challenges you to seek after your change!

Deuteronomy 8:3
"He humbled you, causing you to to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."

Until next time....

The Power of a Godly Woman!

2009-06-24T11:44:00.000-04:00

Today's blog has a lot to do with us as women. Applying the "God image' in our lives will allow us to be victorious in ALL situations. How many of us want to be victorious in whatever situation comes our way?!?!? I DO....

So, with that being said, I love reading books that offer spiritual fuel for the battle. I don't waste my time reading books that are "non-sense" and that don't offer anything to my spiritual walk. I'm not putting down those types of books, they just aren't for me, ya know??
Lately, I've been reading a book entitled Only a Woman-Claiming Your Amazing Power in Christ.

It's an incredible book and I have enjoyed what I have read thus far. The book begins with a woman's village being attacked and her husband losing his life during the battle. The "baton" was passed to her by her husband and she was given the mission to save her people, all the while holding onto her own precious baby. To sum up what I have read, she saved the village people! GO GIRL! But she was faced with the overwhelming fear, as they lowered her lifeless husband's body into the ground, of doing this all alone. You know, LIFE. As the village people sang her praises, she was numb to it all. Yet, I love the point the book makes: Do we choose "God-image" or self-image. Many times, during those trying situations, fear may grip us. In a real crisis, we will struggle with the person we believe we are and the person God has called us to be. Many times, we revert back to the self-image, while simultaneously paralyzing the power of the God-image inside us.

Terri McFaddin's book defines the "God image" as the person God intended you to be from the womb-the person with special gifts, purpose, and calling.
The self-image is the person you perceive yourself to be based on the influences of your environment and your culture. Pretty powerful, huh?!?!? How many of us know this, but forget it when faced with a trying situation? We allow worry, fear, and anxiety to creep in.
Truthfully, I can't even try to relate to this wife and mom, but what I do see in her is a quality I want to have. In the face of adversity, anger, and sadness, she still pressed on in her "God-image", not her self-image.

So, as a woman writing to other women, how will you DAILY carry your "God-image" versus self-image? As I continue reading, I will blog different insights that I may get from the book. Allow these insights to challenge you in the face of your everyday life, in whatever this life might bring. Whether you face a business deal that you really need to close, or you find taking care of your husband and children a difficult task for the day, stay focused on letting your "God-image" come through.
In order to be a powerful, godly woman we must continually carry God's image not our own. We are limited when using self-image but with His image we can do ALL things. (Phil. 4:13)
Reflect on times when you were faced with a difficult situation. Did you put on the full armor of God or did you hide in fear carrying your self-image?

Be that powerful woman God has enabled you to be!

I'll close with this verse...
Judges 5:7
"Village life ceased, it ceased in Israel, until I, Deborah (god-image not self-image), arose, arose a mother in Israel.

Be a 21st Deborah!

In Him,
~Jenni~

Ready...Set...Lose Weight!!

2009-06-23T09:01:00.000-04:00

So, Trey and I have made some lifestyle changes recently...As many of you know, or may not, my husband is a diabetic and has battled his weight his entire life. He has been ridiculed by many, and I mean many, from the time he was a young boy. It hurts me and breaks my heart when we talk about the struggles he faced growing up. There are even times now when somebody may mention Trey's weight and I want to go off. Its ridiculous.

Side bar. Have you ever realized the goodness of God in the following situation. Everyday you wake up and realize more and more why God put a particular person in your life? Spouse..friend...neighbor..pastor..etc...
Everyday I wake up I thank the Lord for my husband. And realize, in sooooo many ways, why the Lord brought us together as man and wife. Trey and I are similar in a lot of ways but also very different. We both know what it is to struggle with maintaining a "healthy" weight, being ridiculed by others and suffer from hurt, pain and anger. Bottom line, we can relate. It bothers me immensely when I hear or see people make comments about heavy people. Seriously, you have NO idea what drove that person to that point. You could have had a HUGE impact on why that person looks the way he/she does. Obviously, I know, we are to take responsibility for our own actions...but your influence could have left a negative impact on that person causing them to "escape" into an eating frenzy. Because that is how they cope.

Side bar. A lot of people today abuse medicine-pain killers, anti-depressants etc...For a person who suffers from depression, alcohol, and/or nicotine addiction what do they do? Take medicine to hopefully alleviate the issue, right??? YES. Or they just continue in their bad habit. For a person battling their weight it is the same thing. Except in our society socially acceptable is being a size 2 (women) and a size 34-36 (man). So overeating is a huge NO-NO and, like the above, it deteriorates your health. My point. Please do not speak an ill word of someone who struggles with their weight if you are medicating yourself in a different way. We all have issues plain and simple. God did not design perfect people and if you are striving for perfection you will lose. And maybe even cause yourself a lot of harm in the end.

With that being said, Trey and I have been working together to both lose weight. We've been doing a fantastic job incorporating exercise and healthy eating into our lives. We plan on continuing to do so! We look forward to the end results, for thanking each other and thanking our Heavenly Father for encouraging us every step of the way!

I just need to boast a bit... :)

My husband is more of a man than most. He desires to walk in the will of our Heavenly Father. He desires to be a good provider, husband and father. He attempts everyday to break negative patterns that have been a strong influence in his life. And in the deepest parts of my husband's heart lies a man who seeks out change everyday for himself. A trait that many of us would rather not tackle. He is a man who desires to set others free from the bondage of this world by teaching and inspiring through biblical scriptures. His dreams and desires are endless! I know that through every step of faith and every growth in maturity God is opening a door to use his gifts and talents for His glory!

So if you are on a journey to lose weight...YOU CAN DO IT!
"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!" Philippians 4:13 NKJV

Until next time....

Ready..Set..GO-lose weight, break a bad habit, start a daily devotion!

A Special Friend!

2009-06-18T21:44:00.001-04:00

Well, this blog will be very easy to write about because it is coming straight from my heart...

I really truly believe that God is always divine when he places people in your life. It was a little over a year ago that I moved to Atlanta and, although I miss my friends in Miami, God has been faithful in bringing new friends into my life.

If you know my past then you know I have a hard time TRUSTING...I trust in God and I have complete confidence in Him, which is great and we all should, but when it comes to people, a little difficult for me. It is especially hard for me to become close with females because of the strained relationship I have with my mother. Unfortunately, I have stereo-typed women as being: gossipers, liars, manipulators, deceivers, controllers etc...Not intentionally, well, at least I don't think I do??

Moving forward. God has been gracious in bringing one particular young lady into my life from my very first visit here. She is an incredible woman of God and is an amazing friend. Her husband and Trey have known each other since high school, making our first dinner date completely relaxed. Trey kept on and on about her and, of course, her husband. Needless to say she is a God sent! She has been there for me since day one. She is a genuine friend, who is completely honest, and worthy of trusting. She allows me to vent when I am extremely frustrated with certain people and she responds with an honest, "This is how I would approach the situation." I mean she ROCKS.
Her and her husband traveled to TN to be apart of our wedding day! He, in fact, married us!
She was there for me when I miscarried...Get this. I didn't answer my phone when she called, TWICE, because I was using the potty and the next thing I know she is at my door step.. She wasn't trying to get me out of bed, tell me indirectly I needed to move forward, she just allowed me to grieve. She was so gentle and compassionate. Seriously, she is an over-the-top kind of friend. A friend that all of us should strive to be. I honestly can't say enough about her. Trey and I adore the friendship we have with her and her husband. We know that in the future they will play very important roles in the lives of our children.

Both of them were there for Trey when he had back surgery last year. I mean they just didn't come to the hospital to "talk" but they came bearing gifts! I mean everything from DVDs (like 100), baked items, even some cozy things for me! :) I know one day when they both get to heaven they will have a mac-daddy mansion because of all they do for people here on earth.
She is a very classy, sophisticated and a goofy (in her own kind of way type of lady!)
I could go on and on but I think you get the point. Friends are treasures sent from above. And I most definitely treasure you, LB!

Love you girl and I look forward to many, many happy times ahead!

June 6th, 2009

2009-06-15T21:49:00.001-04:00

What a long journey home....

Our flight left Vegas at 5:50am Saturday, June 6th....Trey and I had no sleep and were up for over 24 hours...I looked like a hot mess! No lie.
We got to the airport at 2:30 am and it was a ghost town. Not a person to be seen. We even tried to sleep in the airport, I wish I had a picture for y'all to have seen what we looked like. Hilarious-that's all I can say. Although it was not funny at the time!

We boarded the plan to Atlanta....only then to board another plan to Charlotte... By the time we arrived to Charlotte the delirium set in. All I kept thinking is how in the world would we make it home. I don't sleep in cars but, my husband, he has no problem doing that. So I drove so that he could get some sleep.

I, on the other hand, thought about that day, June 6th. For many it was just another day but for me it was anything but....It was exactly a month ago that Trey and I found out our baby had no heartbeat. I broke down in the car as Trey was sleeping. I couldn't help but reflect on the entire experience and to think about the Grace of God. Once again, I found myself, hand raised worshiping the Lord. There is a song titled, "There will be a day" by Jeremy Camp
It is an incredible song and it came on at the exact same time that I began to reflect on what I had gone through...
The words go like this:

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have...
But I feel the weight of what it brings and the hurt that tries to grab..
Many trials that seem to never end...this world declares this truth...
We will enter in this rest...with wonders a new...
BUT I hold onto this hope...and the promise that HE brings..
There will be a place with no more suffering...
There will be a day..with no more tears..no more pain...and no more fears..
There will be a day... when the burdens of this place...will be no more...we'll see Jesus face to face..
But until that day...we'll hold onto you... always...
I know the journey seems so long...you feel your walking on your own...
There has never been a step..where you've walked out all alone..troubled soul don't lose your heart...cuz joy and peace He brings..and the beauty that's in store...out weighs the hurt of life's sting...
(back to the chorus)

A beautiful song that means more to me now than when I first heard it.

I realize that I was not the first person in the world to miscarry, but unfortunately, I do know that I will not be the last....Therefore, I pray, when the time comes that God will help me to help another woman who needs to see the hope in the midst of a hopeless situation.

That is all for now....May God Bless You and Keep You!

~Jenni-Lynn~

Vegas...baby!

2009-06-15T21:40:00.000-04:00

Vegas is definitely a sight to be seen! You have to go atleast once if you haven't already been....

Go to my husbands blog to read about Vegas..www.thewhirlingderbisher.blogspot.com

My sebatical is over......but where do I begin?!?!?

2009-06-15T20:56:00.000-04:00

Well, alot has transpired since my last post....leaving me baffled about where I should begin!

May 30th- Our Last Wedding Reception! Yippie- seriously, I was over it already...

Kudos definitely goes out to my husband for all the running around he did that day. He was my SUPER husband and did a great job making it a lovely evening. I, on the other hand, spent the morning with my cousin...we were on a mission! My mother-in-law met us at Tanger where she picked out some great shoes for my dress..she also let me borrow a beautiful necklace and earrings set...Mission accomplished!

It was a very hot day....and on our way out we stopped by McDonald's...Deperately needing something to eat and, no, yogurt parfaits made, are you serious???

I LOVE parfaits, just ask my husband...So I settled for apples and caramel dipping sauce....

I started to feel extremely ill, with a major headache to follow...I had to pull over because I felt like vomitting..My cousin offered to drive but I insisted that I could make it home...Well, that was not the case. You would have thought it was my actual wedding day, as I proceeded to vomit on the side of the road....Needless to say, I got home and rested until it was time to get ready!

Here are a few pictures of the evening!

My Husband!

2009-05-26T11:18:00.000-04:00

We always dream as little girls that one day we will meet our Prince Charming, he will gracefully sweep us off our feet and then we will ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after......

Truthfully, I did not ask for any of the above nor did I believe any of the above would "come true." Maybe it was because I was faced with the reality at a very young age that sometimes happily ever after doesn't really happen. I look around and I ask, Where did the effort go? Where did the sacrifice fall? Where did the to death do us part end? Jesus was the only answer I could find. Without Him marriages fail and in some cases with Him marriages fail...So why do we give up so easily? What causes us to say, "It's over?" Are we all so stubborn and so selfish that its all about us and if our needs aren't met then we are gone. Really, I wonder what Jesus is thinking? In the face of death, He didn't run. So why do we? And might I make mention, many of us aren't running because there is a warrant for our death...

Marriage requires us to change. Before it was all about me, me, me! You know what I am talking about :) And now its all about us, us, us! So, yes, change is required in order for the 2 to remain as 1. So this is where I see marriages end. I know its a big word, SACRIFICE. Americans have a hard time comprehending the word sacrifice much less actually doing it. Yet when we look to the greatest "man" that walked the earth, He was all about sacrifice.

So I say all that to say, that God has blessed me ABUNDANTLY with a man who strives everyday to sacrifice himself for me. He lived a life for a long time that was all about him, but he has done an amazing job making it all about me. Is our marriage perfect, are we each struggling with issues that were brought on as a result of our parents, ABSOLUTELY, but at the end of the day, we strive everyday to sacrifice ourselves for each other. And the most important word I can use here is CHANGE. My husband desperatley desires to change everyday, while still holding on to fears that grip him from the past. Change is hard and it requires us to actively change our ways, its not easy. Which explains why many CHOOSE not to change. I can't accept someone who says I can't change....A life lived in the world to a life lived in Christ is a huge example of change. So what is your excuse?

I meant this to be about my husband so here it is...

You truly are the godly man that I prayed for and without you in my life I am lacking. You are my strength when I am weak. You have been my support in many ways. You have enabled me to lift my head when I just wanted it to drop. You've been there for me when no one else was. You constantly strive to make me happy. When I am hurting you hurt. You are a great provider and lover. You are the love of my life! With you I feel secure, safe and satisfied. It's hard to believe that in just a couple of days you got down on one knee. And, yet, here we are, married, in love and living happily ever after. I love you and I know you know. Its obvious, seeing as though I only tell you a million times a day. ;) I promise to continue to put God first and you second because I know that kind of unfailing love will last a life time. True love wasn't modeled before me, but I'm thankful to serve a God everyday who shows me what real love is all about. You are a true example of change. I know you are not where you want to be but know that you are doing a great job getting there! And its because you have a desire to seek change. That is a remarkable quality in and of itself.
I can go on and on but I will stop for now....

I only pray that the love I feel towards you is demonstrated on a day to day basis. I love you with all my heart!
~Jenni~

I'm back....

2009-05-19T13:35:00.000-04:00

I know, it has been a while, but I'm ready to blog again!

Well, this is just a glimpse of what last week looked like for Trey and I......

I went back to the doctor's last week for a follow-up and, it wasn't exactly the kind of follow-up I was hoping for. Apparently, I did not "pass" everything and so I was given more medicine...
Come to find out, the reason why I did not pass everything was because I was taking pain medicine that was counteracting the contractions. Wonderful, I know. That explains the difference in the first night versus all the rest. The first night I took the medication I literally felt like I was dilated 10 cm, pushing out a healthy baby boy/girl, NATURALLY. The pain was no joke. Seriously, when the time does come again, lets just say I won't be nominated for a Grammy or an Oscar. I no longer have a desire to deliver naturally.

So, I started the 2nd round of medicine last Thursday and finished Saturday morning. I was suppose to go back to the doctor's tom., but plans have changed. Due to another staff meeting at school, I have to reschedule.....I'm trying not to complain because I only work 180 days out of the year, but the timing of this stinks.
Let me mention that this medicine was nothing like the first go around. The cramping was nothing more than a menstrual cramp, Thank you Jesus. I just pray it was strong enough and that it served its purpose because I do NOT want to have a DNC.
Please, continue to pray that my body is restored and that a DNC does not lie within the near future. Not an option since day 1, and I APPRECIATE my husband so much for not imposing that on me.

Stay tuned for a special blog dedicated to my husband!

Friday afternoon Trey and I headed to Fort Mill, SC, where we celebrated our marriage with my family. I must say, it was the best thing I could have done at that time. We needed to get away, even though I hadn't completely healed physically, it was some kind of fun! Trey and I are extremely blessed to have such large families who love us so very much. It showed by all the support and love that went into our reception Saturday night!

We came back yesterday and are trying to get through this week. Hopefully, it will fly by like last week.

Trey and I have so much to look forward to and we are excited about all the traveling we will be doing over the summer! Don't worry I will fill you in on upcoming blogs!

That's it for now.....

In Him,

~Jenni-Lynn~

Monday's.....

2009-05-12T11:10:00.000-04:00

Ok, so, I'm sure the majority of you, working class people, would agree with me that Monday's stink??? I thought so.

This particular Monday for me wasn't any different. It was bittersweet. I had to put my "big girl panties" on, bite the bullet and face reality. All while still coping with the hurt and pain, both physical and emotional, of the reality that I know longer have a healthy, baby boy/girl growing inside of me.

I got to school and had a beautiful plant sitting on my desk with a card from one of my students parent, along with dozens and dozens of sweet, home-made cards from my kids. This was obviously the sweet from the bittersweet. I sat there and cried as I read the beautiful, innocent words coming from 11 and 12 years old. Words of encouragement, love and hope along with Bible verses such as this one, "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations" Psalm 100:5

I received hugs, after hugs, after hugs. Along with comments like, "Mrs. Sheneman don't cry God has given you, us for now, we are your "babies." I mean, seriously, lets just say this is not when the crying stopped. I was embraced, loved and reminded that God had surrounded me with his promise and it was evident.

Psalm 128:1-4 & 6a

"Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in his ways. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus is the man blessed who fears the Lord...and may you live to see your children's children!!" AMEN

Truthfully, I could not have asked for a better career. I am constantly reminded all day, everyday of God's provision and God's faithfulness, based on the beautiful children I see everyday.
I was not only embraced by my kids, but also my principal and many teachers. Some with just a hug and "I love you," while others a rub on the back because they had no words to say and those quiet touches were just as equally good. Overall, it was a good day. I was still in pain and reaping the affects of what I lost, but its getting better and I know, "Everything's going to be alright."

I've appreciated ALL of your prayers, they definitely have been felt and treasured.

To Dad & Mom: We are blessed to have you as parents and most importantly godly parents.
Mom- I appreciate your compassion and love towards me. This situation has allowed me to trust and feel secure in the arms of a mother's love. Next time open the door because whether I realized it or not I needed you!
Dad- I know you've been at a loss for words and that's ok. I know you love me and are sorry for what Trey and I have endured. I'm sure as a parent this is one situation that if you could fix it, you would. You're sweet hugs were HUGE and much appreciated.
We love you both very much.

To Joey & Stacey: You've both been very loving and compassionate during this whole situation.
Stacey- Although I did not ask you to take a half-day and drive to Henry County, its probably a good thing you did. You've shown me, that when it comes to love, jumping through hoops is necessary because "when one of us hurts, we all hurt." Love you and thank you!
Joey- A man of few words, but when you speak, you crack us all up. Thank you for a hug and a "how are you feeling," it was just enough!
We love you both very much.

To Brad & Lanie Beth: Your friendship is our blessing from the Lord and we love you both more than you can imagine. You two are incredible. You have a heart for the hurting and a love for God's children. It's evident in your lives on a daily basis. You have bent over backwards for Trey and I, while still going about the daily ins and out of your own lives. THANK YOU...Can't you see why we chose the both of you?!?!? :)

To Blake & Sabrina: Your friendship is treasured. You two are sweet as pie. Scary, at times, to think my husband and Blake are exactly the same but, Blake, you are good for my Trey. Of course, with healthy boundaries, y'all are a "good fit." Sabrina, your a blessing to me...even when I didn't answer your calls or return your text. You were still in my heart and thoughts! We love you and appreciate all you've done for us.

To those I have not included, you are not forgotten. You are a blessing to Trey and I whether I have plugged you into this little "added note." Trey and I are blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful friends and family. May God continue to bless you all.

With Love,
~Jenni~

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T19:03:00.000-04:00

Today was difficult, I can not lie. I told my husband I would do my best to put a happy face on but I couldn't fight back some tears. We spent the day with Trey's family in Madison. Had a picnic at the park, ate some fried chicken and watched the kids play. As many times I have seen my niece and nephew, seeing them today was so difficult. They are healthy, beautiful and very much active, which I am so glad for, but all I kept thinking about was my little one.
At some point today Trey and I were sitting on the couch when Tripp glanced at my tummy and said, "baby," I cried. Trey had to tell him that he/she was with Jesus. Tripp didn't get it but that's OK.

Needless to say, I "survived."

I was glad Trey got to spend some time with his momma, as she understands what it means to have a child taken from her way too soon too. She lost her first son, Stevie, when he was only 11 in a tragic accident. I realize so much more why God choose Trey to be my husband and Deb to be my mother-in-law. I am blessed.

I want to take this time to recognize and honor an amazing mother. Although she is not my mother, she is my grandmother, my Nana. This Mother's Day was difficult for her as well. She has 3 children, one of which is my mom, and yet 2 out of her 3 children consciously made the decision not to send a card or even bother to pick up the phone. Some mother's amaze me, that's all I can say. My Nana is a godly woman who has literally been through hell and back, for what, I couldn't even tell you. (Another question I feel the need to ask God about.)
She did the best she could raising her children, a single parent, with no help from their father. Yet, all of a sudden they find their father and choose to listen and agree to his "side" of the story.
"Who raised you, who provided food for you and who put clothes on your back..." I think the answer to the side of the story should be pretty obvious... Don't get me wrong, I am all about forgiveness, but don't turn your back on the one who provided for you and was there all along.

The whole situation is extremely sad but I just ask that you would pray for my Nana, pray for my family. Her name is Elizabeth McKuhen. Pray for healing in her life and the strength to face each day. She deserves so much but has seemed to be given the "short end of the stick." But I know that one day (when she is like a 100) when she meets Jesus face to face he will have an amazing crown of jewels for her. Because she has done her best to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

Happy Mother's Day, Nana!

To all the mommas who have lost their babies, I know, it hurts. To all the mommas who can't or are struggling to become pregnant, hold on to the promises in God's word.

And to all those mommas who have already been blessed with children, look at them each day and say, "Thank you, Jesus, I am blessed." Complain less because you are blessed. Stop to think about those women who would love to be up with their baby all night, who would give anything to feed them at their breast and who would give their life up for the sake of their child. You are blessed!

To my angel, know that mommy and daddy love you. We know you are protected and safe! Thank you for allowing me to be your mommy, even if it was just for a little while in my tummy. You brought me so much joy! BIG XOXOXOXO's

In Him,

~Jenni~

"It's Happening"

2009-05-09T02:53:00.000-04:00

At about 11:00 pm on Friday, May 8th the contractions began. They were bad. Physically I have never experienced this kind of pain, I didn't know what to do. I woke up from the pain and all I needed was my Trey. I couldn't get comfortable, I just cried out for some relief. I went to the bathroom and stayed there. As awkward as that may seem, it was the only "comfortable" place to me. I sat there in agony, tears rolling down my face and my husband desperately wanting to take the pain away, but he couldn't. I asked him if he would get me my Ipod, he willing jumped up to give it to me.

All I could think about was praising the sweet name of Jesus. Trey was willing to sit there with me but I told him, "just go back to bed." He has not slept well either and I didn't want to take away from him anymore. As I sat there, I just cried and worshipped my King, my Lord, my Savior, the Giver of Life. I couldn't believe the relief that overtook my body as I sat there, hands raised, praising the one who gave his life up for me. It was a sweet time I had even in the midst of the storm. It was just me, my baby & Jesus. Nothing, at that point, seemed sweeter to me.

At about 2:00am, still sitting in the bathroom, I called out to Trey, "It's happening." Not sure how long it will take, all I know is that I'm still worshipping my King and giving him ALL the glory!
It seems like the best worship times I have had with Jesus over the years have come when I have chosen to praise him in the storm.

Will you choose to praise Him in the storm?

In Him,

~Jenni~

"Closure"

2009-05-08T09:15:00.000-04:00

I'm still waiting....I don't know what's worse at this moment-waiting and expecting or the final outcome. I'm still tossing and turning looking for some relief. I know God says to pray without ceasing but I'm wondering if He has pressed mute on me. My prayers seem to be redundant, I can only speak what my heart feels at the time. And every time it is the same thing.

Closure- do people really ever experience closure? Or do we call it peace-may the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. And are they the same?

My wonderful, amazing, and supportive husband called Atlanta Fetal Maternal Medicine (AFMM) yesterday requesting the ultrasound pictures of our baby. I received a call this morning from them and the woman graciously said yes. Maybe this will help me sleep at night, knowing that our baby will be resting right beside us.

I'm still reminded, in the midst of this horrible nightmare, that God has protected me and shielded me from even more pain that I could have experienced. I was scheduled to go to AFMM on Wed. , April 29. But we had a planned staff meeting that I was hesitant to skip, that's why I did not ask to be excused, so I cancelled the appointment on Tues., April 28th. Well, it just so happened that our principal was very sick and they cancelled the meeting last minute. Inside, I was frustrated, but knew I would be going on May 6th regardless of a rescheduled staff meeting, which they did have.
I say all of that to say, had I kept the April 29th appointment we would have heard our baby's heart beating. So, I see God's hand of protection and I know He was looking out for the both of us. Because shortly after that Wed., the 29th, is when the heart stopped. Again, I don't understand how the heart was beating and then all of a sudden stopped. I still can't wrap my mind around it and probably never will.

I look forward to my husband being home and us looking at our baby. This baby is my angel and will always be remembered as my first.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give to you the desires of your heart."

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..." James 1:2-4

2009-05-07T11:00:00.000-04:00

I have used the above verse so many times before when I have faced many challenges, but this time, this situation it just doesn't seem to make sense...

When my husband and I found out that we were expecting we were ecstatic. I remember it like it was yesterday.. I handed my husband the pregnancy test as I sat there waiting for a response-a smirk, a wink or even a frown. It seemed like minutes had passed and he said, "We're having a baby!" The look on his face was priceless, not too sure what mine was like?
We hugged and I cried and then we proceeded to call family. We couldn't believe it, just like that, so easy! We were married Feb. 7th 2009 and conceived between March 10-15.
There are couples who try for years and years, depleting their back accounts, all for a baby to call their own.....AND, yet, we were so blessed, so "lucky"!

The feeling of nausea had kicked in at about 6 weeks. Throwing up was part of it and almost every time, my husband was there rubbing my back, he was a trooper!
And, yet, I would give anything right now to be sitting on the floor, vomiting into the toilet. The whole time I kept saying, "I can't complain, I know it could be worse." At this point I wish it would have been worse.
The saying, "You don't know what you have until its gone" is resounding in my head right now. I never got to hold our baby, I made it 68 days, yet all I keep thinking is I never had it. I never got to hold Landon Stone or Haylee Grace but my love was already so strong.
There was a life inside of me that my husband and I both created, what a MIRACLE.
Yet, it was taken from us. Why, I don't know and do I feel like I deserve an answer, you betcha'. But the only answer I keep getting is, "Be Still and Know that I AM YOUR God." Really, through all the challenges I have faced, that's your response??? Child, my grace is sufficient! My strength is made perfect in your weakness.

I look at the events that took place over the last couple of days thinking about what it could have been..."WHAT IS IT," my heart cries? How did the heart just all of a sudden stop beating??
I don't know...all I keep getting is, "Be Still and Know that I AM YOUR God!"

I'm nervous about the ending.... I can't sleep as I ponder what the best decision will be for me, leaving the least amount of trauma behind. I don't know and I care not to think about it. But I have to and, yet, I don't want to.

May 7th- My husband and I headed to the doctor's...I didn't know what I was about to face.
I got their, waited, and they placed us in a room. The doctor came in, looking 7-8 months pregnant, really? Out of all the doctor's who were not pregnant I had to get one that was.
She gave us our options-waiting for my response..."Do I have to make a decision now?" We will see you next week or you can call us if you change your mind. Okay.
So they took some blood and scheduled an appointment for next Thursday.
My decision-I will let my body handle it "naturally." I don't even think natural is the proper word yet it's the only word I could conjure up. I don't know the day or time, I just have to wait. I can't believe this nightmare isn't over yet. There is nothing more frightening than having a life-less baby inside of me....I feel inadequate, that I didn't hold up my end of the deal.

At this point, I'm choosing not to be another statistic but hoping and praying that life will be birthed from our baby's death.
I am still coping and grieving and at this time don't really care to speak to anyone except for my husband and God. Please don't take it personal, I just need time.

I will close for now with this. My husband sent it to me and it hit home oh so very much.

Written by Jennifer Wasik
In memory of Zachery Wasik.

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say."
A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true"
But God can you be a Mother,When your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied With confidence in His voice"
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear."I wish I could show you,What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,With all the other children and say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons, of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come strait here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom, who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly, my Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much, but I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep, On her pillow's where I lay I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear. Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones,your children are okay. Your babies are born here in My home, And this is where they'll stay.They'll wait for you with Me,Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother, It's the feeling in your heart, it's the love you had so much right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize, you are a Mother, until their time is done.They'll be up here with Me one day and know that you are the best one!"